Fighting For Freedom: Johanna Mason's Life
by jellybean5898
Summary: Catching Fire/ MockingJay in Johanna POV!
1. Chapter 1 : Alcoholic Escapes

_**Fighting For Freedom**_

As I lie in the chopped-short grass outside my home, gazing at the stars above me, I spread my arm out to the side by habit. Instead of feeling Zem's warm body like I used to, my hand touches the silky cold grass.

This is where we belonged together. I remember the nights were we would lay out on this very hill, and she'd tell me about her day, and I'd point at a new constellation every night. When we saw the last lumberjack, the same man everday, go into his home that night, we'd promise to stay out for only five more minutes, but we always ended up back in the our house half an hour later.

I pull my arm away and lay it back over my stomach on top of the other.

_She's gone, Johanna, _I remind myself in my head. Then I look back up, and my finger automatically comes up. I point out the Hercules constellation to only myself. This particular constellation reminds me of myself, for if the club he was holding was an axe and he was a woman, it could be me.

I use my hands to push myself to my feet and walk back into my home. As I trudge up the stairs, I think of how I have to leave on a train tommorrow morning to be a mentor for the 69th Hunger Games. I don't want to be one, I really don't, but Blight needs my help and I'm going to give it to him.

I don't know Blight well, but I do know that he lost his family, too, just as I did. But not because he didn't do what President Snow wanted me to do. Snow killed his entire family just because he wanted to. I've decided to have a 'little talk' with him when we get there.

The doctors back in the Capitol that treated me immediatly after I got out of my games insisted that I wasn't insane, but I carry a knife in my pocket every day and everywhere. Whenever I try to get myself to take it out, I immediatly shove it back in. If people stare at me for more than a second, which happens often, I dig around in my pocket and grip the knife because I'm afraid they're going to try and kill me.

That has to be insane.

I decide to call my doctor in the Capitol.

"Hello, Johanna!" He answers.

"Hey, doc. I got a letter from the Hospital the other day telling me that they're getting me a therapist. Is that just for the couple of weeks I'm in the Capitol? Or are they going to call me all the time?" I ask.

"Just for when you're in the Capitol, dear."

"_Good. _But I don't need a therapist," I say.

"Johanna? Can I ask you something?" He doesn't wait for my reply. "Are you, perhaps, carrying a knife in your pocket at this moment?"

This takes me by surprise.

"How did you know?" I question suspicously.

"A _lot _of the other victors did the same thing. They got our therapist to help them and most of them are weapon-free at all times!" He exclaims.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll see the terapist. Bye."

"See you soon!"

I hang up. In my bathroom, I dig under the cabinents and find my secret stash of whiskey. It's something I can't help, having it. It helps me forget the arena. Popping off the top, I drink the entire bottle and decide that maybe I'll drink some Scotch or something with Haymitch and Finnick and Chaff in the Capitol tommorrow.

Well, I don't know if Finnick will be up for it, but Haymitch, from 12, and Chaff, from 11, surely will.

I flip off the cap of another and start chugging it.

When I wake up, I realize I'm on the ground in my bathroom. I must've passed out, drunk, last night. I don't have a lot of time to get prepared for the cameras, so I take a quick shower, brush my hair, and get dressed in simple clothes.

If the people in the Capitol don't like my style, well, guess what? Screw them.

Blight and I come out of the doors to our homes at almost the exact same time. He's not exactly stable, but he's looking better than me. I don't tell him I have a couple bottles of whiskey in my bag.

I take my seat on the stage at the reaping. I try to look as not-drunk as possible, because I'm not going to let my district down.

The two tributes for this year are Masella and Jared. They both look hopeless, but I try not to show it as I walk towards the train station. The tributes will be there in a few minutes, when they're finished saying their goodbyes.

Ignoring the cameras that greet Blight and I at the station, I hop onto the train and, after stealing a few bottles from the dining area, stash my whiskey in my quarters. I'll share a bottle with Blight if he wants to. Then I feel sorry, because while I'm busy vomiting in the toilet, he'll be taking care of our tributes.

That night, when we're at dinner, Baily tries to control my wine. I ask for a couple glasses, but Baily tells them they shouldn't.

"You're not my mother," I say to her with an edge of pain. Then I turn to the Capitol attendant. "Get me my wine, please."

"But, Johanna," Baily begins. "Too much wine is bad for you!"

"Have you been in the Games?" I ask angrily. "No? If you had been, you'd know I need a glass of wine right now!"

Our tributes stare at us. "Okay, everyone, calm down," Blight says. The attendant gets me a glass of wine so small, I don't know how I'll even get drunk from it.

"See?" I snap. "That's all I wanted!"

The next night, after we've arrived in the Capitol, I meet with a few of the other mentors down at the ground floor of the training center. Haymitch sent out word that any mentors who want a drink could come, young or old.

The people who show up are Finnick, Haymitch, Chaff, me, and Blight.

"What do you have there?" Chaff asks, gesturing at my bag.

"Oh," I say, opening my bag. "I brought some whiskey from home. . . And stole a few from the dining area on my floor," I admit.

Haymitch and Chaff start to guffaw, finding it hilarious I steal whiskey. "Well, good," Haymitch says. "We need it. I've got some beer and scotch, though."

"I brought Vodka," Finnick adds.

As we sit down, I introduce myself. "I know you guys know who I am, but since we've never formally met, my name is Johanna Mason, I'm from District 7, and-"

"You're a murderer!" Haymitch shouts, and Chaff and him share another laugh.

I join in on the laughter. "Yes! I'm a murderer! Now hand me some Scotch."


	2. Chapter 2 : The 69th Hunger Games

I lean back in my chair as we watch the initial bloodbath at the Cornucopia. My girl, Masella, dies right off the bat. A trident in the heart by Finnick's guy.

What a shame. She was a pretty sweet girl. It's kind of sad, actually. No lie. I flip off the top of a bottle of whiskey, and start gulping it. As the tribute from 2, the one I hated the most begins to die, I pump my fist with the arm the whiskey's in.

Enobaria throws a dirty look my way, and I take another gulp. "Anyone want some?" I ask.

"We're not supposed to have any alcohol in here," Enobaria says.

"Does it look like I care?" I ask, and show her my 'I'm bored' face.

Chaff and Haymitch come over and I hand them each a bottle. I turn to Enobaria, and just for fun, I ask, "Would you like a bottle, Enobaria?"

"You're underage, you aren't supposed to have any in here, and you're asking me if I want some?" She asks.

"Yep. So...?"

"No!" She exclaims.

"You're loss!" I say, and pop off another top.

As I look at the monitors, watching my tributes, I turn to Chaff and Haymitch and hold up my bottle. "Cheers to the Games that ruined our lives!"

They hold their bottles up, "Cheers!"

The fighting continues, and when it's finally done, they pick up Masella's body.

"Blight?" I ask in between sips. "Where's Jared?"

He turns to me. "In the woods. Click the spot on your monitor down there and he'll pop up full screen."

I reach down and click on the Cornucopia Cam instead. Just as I suspected, the Careers are setting up their camp and supplies.

"So, Cashmere, since you told in the interviews you were _oh so _sure Shine was going to win, why don't you tell us about her?" I lean towards her.

"Psh. We all know yours isn't going to win!"

"It was a miracle you won," I toss back.

"You're going to fit in here," Says Haymitch as he drinks his beer. I take another big gulp of my Whiskey.

No wonder Haymitch and Chaff drink so much. It really drowns out all the horrible memories. And nobody told me I wasn't allowed to have alcohol in here. In fact, I think Enobaria's trying to make me get rid of it.

_Good Luck, _I think. Hasn't she seen my Games? My interviews? Hasn't she realized how stubborn I am and how I'm never going to put down the bottle and pick up my life, because the life I had? That's over.

The Hunger Games ruin everything, doesn't she know that? Everyone in this room earned that crown, and not because they were sweet and joyful and kind. No. Every single person in this room is a murderer- whether you bit someones throat out, like Enobaria, used a force field to have someone impale themselves in the head with their axe, like Haymitch, whether you tangled people a used a trident to kill them, like Finnick- it doesn't matter.

Because we're still all killers in our own special ways. And there's nothing you can do about it.

I click the bottom of the screen and watch Jared ecape into the woods.

_Poor guy,_ I think. The Games aren't pleasent. You can die at any moment. One thing that's really terrifying is you have to be prepared 24/7.

I flip off the top and, as I'm chugging down my Whiskey, I hear the caps ding as it collides with metal.


	3. Chapter 3 : The Mentor I am

"Johanna, someone is here to see you," A guard informs me. I glance at the other Victors, and they look confused. Who would visit me in the Capitol? Getting up, the guard looks at me hard and holds his gun tight to his chest.

"What?" I say, disgusted. "I'm not going to try anything!"

"You never know with you Victors," He answers, deeply, angrily, and I don't know why.

I follow him down a few halls and turn into a room. The man in the chair I don't recognize. However, the man in the corner is obviously my Head Doctor.

"Hello, Johanna!" My doctor says. "It's so nice to see you again! I haven't seen you in, oh dear, it must've been a year now!"

"Obviously, since the last time you saw me was after my Games, the 68th, and they happen once a year. . ."

He looks slightly confused, and for a doctor, this is not a good sign. I shake my head slightly and change the subject. "So, what am I here for?"

"Ah. Remember our conversation on the telephone? This is your therapist, Dr. Rellimen!"

"Oh, joy," I mutter.

"So!" 'Dr. Rellimen' screeches. "We should get started on your thera-"

"I _really _don't want to do this. And you can't force me," I burst out, then lean back in my chair, the slightest bit embarrassed. "Sorry," I whisper.

"Why ever not?" My head doctor asks.

" 'Cause, you know, I got a rep to maintain with my fellow champs back in the control room," I shrug, picking my words carefully. "And, you know, therapy isn't gonna cut it. . ."

The therapist and my doctor consider this for a moment. "Ah, yes, I suppose you 'District' people would _want _to keep a reputation," Says the therapist.

A flame blooms inside me. What does he mean by that? The District Victors aren't good enough to be in their precious, yet somewhat fragile Capitol? The fires that warm their hands come from _my _district! The seafood they eat comes from Finnick's district! All the latest techno-gizmos come from Wiress and Beetee, the District 3 Victors, district!

"What's wrong with being from the Districts?" I ask.

"Well, you are all, rabid. And you're a murderer, Johanna. People don't like that! They want to keep their distance from you. . . In case, you, well. . . You know!"

"Um, I had to kill if I wanted my own life!" I turn my head around and don't look at them, but glare down at the floor. Then I place my hand on my forehead, suddenly feeling an ache, a pain, but when they collide, instead of being overly hot, it's bitter cold.

Dropping my hand down, I place my hand over my heart and feel the steady beat. No, not steady. Much too fast. And too hard. This is where the pain is coming from.

"I gotta go," I say, and swing the door open. Maybe, if I get back to the control room in time and see the other Victors, those who barely cry, then I'll be able to choke down my tears and maybe help out my only remaining tribute.

The door is closed, but I push it open. Several turn their heads, but most are focused on the fighting going on at the Cornucopia. I hear a long swipe of a knife and sword and a girls high pitched scream as I click the door shut behind me.

"What's going on, everyone?" I ask.

"Fighting," Says Cecelia from 8. "District Two and the guys from 6 and 7."

"Seven?" I ask, and take a seat on my swively chair. "How'd Jared get himself into a mess at the Cornucopia? I could've sworn I told that boy to steer clear of that place! And when did he team up with District 6?"

One of the Morphlings leans towards me and says in a calm yet unstable voice, "His name is Eglina." I can tell right off the bat that the instability of her voice isn't from alcohol, it's her morphling supply.

Another thing I know is that this kid, Eglina, isn't a fighter. Not strong, though swift on his feet. Has a thing for knives. . . He's better than Jared.

Not Good.

Then I realize, Jared's a fighter, but he looks like he'd give up on life right away.

"Haymitch, Chaff!" I hiss. They turn. "Can't take this much longer. Lets drink tonight, okay? Bring the supply from your floors, too."

Both of them smile slightly and nod, and only Chaff's girl is remaining, but Seeder is keeping a close eye on her. Mostly, Chaff's been drinking and watching and wincing as his boy dies.

_Damn_, He'd say, and then open a new bottle to drink from.

That night, I awake on the chair in the Control Room. Slowly, I force my head up and dizzily look around. I can't quite see him, but I know by sight its Haymitch passed out, dead drunk, on the ground. My feet pick me up off the ground and I stare at the screen.

Jared is still alive. He's still alive. It's getting closer to the end. Will he somehow make it out? My muddy thoughts swirl around inside my head, and all I can think about is _What if Jared wins? _Then I won't be a failure. For some reason, I feel I have to send him something.

I wipe my eyes and sit up on the chair. Taking a good, hard look at Jared: With his brown eyes that stay wide open, even in the middle of the night, fearing predators. His eyes, full of hate and distrust.

_No! _I think. Why? Because thats where I went. And look at me now, waking up in the middle of the night after passing out drunk. His hands press against each other and he breathes on them, trying to warm them.

It must be cold. In fact, it looks like he's getting frostbite. If he loses his fingers, how will he win? I look at his sponser count. Not high, but he's not a phenomenon. The real reason he has any was because he was involved in and killed people during the fight. My fingers inch up onto the buttons. Since gloves are often sent, theres a preset button.

I wham my fist down on it, and, as the parachute decends, I watch as Jared excitedly opens it. He tears out the gloves and whips them on. The look on his face is no longer bitter cold, but relaxed.

No, not relaxed.

Fear. How could I not know that?

I look fear in the face every day.


	4. Chapter 4: Goodbye

I'm drowning. How can I be drowning? I'm not in District Four, I'm in District Seven. I'm still drowning, under the water. I try to shove my way out by whamming and flinging my body against the glass that holds me in this water-filled tank, but its no use, I'm still drowning. There's no way out. I sink towards the bottom and as I lie on the floor, floating around, I silently pray I'm dreaming.

Waking up with a start, I twist my head from side to side. Nope, I'm not in Distict Four. And I'm not in District 7, either. I close my eyes and imagine being in a tree, smelling the pine needles and dancing around on the top for fun.

That all stopped after I won. Because there wasn't really anything left of me. I was just an empty shell. Now, I am someone else. I am strong. I have. . . dignity.

I am Johanna Mason, from District Seven. And I don't give a damn what anyone tries to do to me. I don't give a damn what they think of me.

A screaming. Coming from the level above me. My eyes dart up and I rush towards the stairs. My feet push myself full force up the stairs onto the 8th floor, where the Victors, Woof and Cecelia, are.

"Cecelia?" I call out, and another round of screams comes from her room. I open the door and look in. Cecelia is giving birth on her bed.

"Oh my god," I say, and resist turning away. "Do you want me to call for help?" I burst out and rush towards the telephone.

I dial the hospital and they arrive shortly, helping her and calming her as she sweats and screams and well, gives birth. Feeling like I don't belong, I leave the room and head back down the stairs to the seventh floor, since I didn't know Cecelia very well. All I know is she has two children, and this is her third.

I sit down and place my hands on my face. It's the middle of the night, and I should be getting rest. No, I can't go back to sleep.

The feet that used to be strong on me, can now barely lift me. I head back to the control room and look at Jared. The boy from 6, whom he was partnered with, died at the Cornucopia fight. He's still enjoying those gloves, though, which excites me slightly.

Making someone happy. Yes, that's good. Sort of. It's not easy, but maybe it's worth it.

No.

It's not.

I'm Johanna. I'm a full-out bitch. A murderer. A brave, young, strong girl. Not a 'nice' person. I'm no Seeder!

I could be, if I just...

Stop. I look at the cameras, click from the screens, and finally back to Jared. Turning around for a second, I wonder if I'm even allowed in here right now. There was a lock on the door that I smashed open. That's gotta be saying something.

More screaming. I sink to my feet. That scream sounds so much like Kirel's in the arena. My eyes fly open. The arena. Oh my gosh. My eyes are glued to the screen, where Jared is face-to-face with one of the Careers.

"No," I whisper to nobody but myself. How could this be happening? The boy whips out a sword and Jared and the gloves I got him fumble around, reaching his axe.

He throws it at him from a close distance, but this Career is fast, and manages to evade it ever so slightly. Close call. Before Jared can even try to retrive it, the Career's sword is jammed into his stomach.

My eyes widen and I watch, hopelessly, as the Career pushes his sword in and out, getting deeper each time. Jared's feet give way and he falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. A river of blood starts gashing out every which way, and when he coughs, more comes out of his mouth.

Death. He's not going to survive. Maybe. I watch as the Career wipes his sword clean with his hands and walks away, letting nature finish him off. It's deep enough to be fatal, but if he can stop the blood in time, he might be able to live.

Without thinking, I press a button and a first aid kit comes flying down towards him. He unlatches it quickly and finds a bandage inside it. With trembling hands he patches it over his not large, but quite deep wound.

It's not enough. The blood soaks right through the bandage. Jared looks down and a tear, that he quickly wipes away, appears. He must be in tremendous pain. If he makes it alive, he'll most likely need surgery.

"Jared," I say, and reach towards the screen. I touch it, wanting to hold his hand and tell him it'll be okay and I won't abandon you. But he doesn't know that. He must not know anything right now other than his stomach is hurting and he's probably dying and he won't see his family.

His face is white as a sheet as he falls to the ground. He's about to die. "Mom...Dad," He croaks out, facing the cameras. "I love you." Jared gasps and tries to finish. "Blight and Johanna... thanks for being great mentors. And thank you, Johanna, for the gloves and the first-aid kit," He says.

How did he know it was me who sent him that stuff? I guess I'll never know, because he's on the ground. His eyes are wide open and he's not moving. I stand, paralyzed, and my wide brown eyes just stare at the screen, at his dead body.

Then it happens. That thing thats hard to miss, but as a mentor, you wish not to witness it. Because it makes me feel like a failure.

There goes Jared's cannon.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him, though he wouldn't even be able to hear me if he was alive.

I've always been a failure.


	5. Chapter 5 : The New Johanna

_And so, years passed, five years, and I, Johanna Mason, from District Seven, grow. I grow mature. I grow to be a mentor, and I learn to watch my tributes die each and every year. And I still mourn the death of my family, each and every day, but I learn to move on. And I become good friends with Finnick Odair. And everyone in District Seven hates me. So the only people I have are the Victors, and I see them only for a couple weeks in one year. And yes, I'm still violent and insane and messed up. But who do I have to blame for that? The Capitol. And only the Capitol. Which is why I've joined a secret group planning to take down the Capitol. Haymitch and Finnick and Mags and Blight and Chaff and Seeder and Wiress and Beetee are all part of it. Even Plutarch Heavansbee, a Gamemaker. And I've threatened Snow personally to kill him. And I promised him I will, I promised him I'll take down his precious Capitol. And that's one promise I'll keep._

* * *

"Finnick!" I shout and rush down the hall. He turns his head and his face lights up, as bright as can be, for everyone in his District hates him as well. All he has is me, and all I have is him. We are a pair. We drink together, we laugh together. We understand each other. "Johanna!" He yells, and I jump into his arms.

No, there's nothing romantic between us, but we're such good friends, and we're so alone. And he even has a girly-friend, which I've teased him about every year since the 70th Hunger Games, the year his lover, Annie Cresta, won. They flooded the arena and, being from District 4, she could swim the best. It was only a matter of minutes before she won.

"How've you been?" I ask.

He breathes lightly. "Fine. I've missed you. Everyone in my District hates me, except for Annie and Mags." He smiles sadly, probably already missing Annie. But there's something in his eyes, something I first saw the day he told me he fell in love with her. It's light and caring. I don't have that. Just hate.

"Yeah, well, _everyone _in _my _District actually hates me. Not a single person even likes me." I think for a minute. "Except maybe Blight. But we're not really close."

"Oh," He says. He must feel sorry for me, but that isn't necessary, because nobody needs to feel sorry for me. I can and will fend for myself. I did it in the arena, I did it back home. I'll do it here.

"Have you seen Haymitch today?" I ask, twisting my head around to see if he's in sight. There's nobody around.

"No, I haven't. He must be dead drunk. It's another year of Hunger Games." He sighs. "And next year is another Quarter Quell. So I'm guessing he'll be too drunk to help out his tributes this year."

I feel bad for Haymitch. His District is coal, and you can learn things that will be helpful down in the mines, but you can't even go down there until you're 18, and by then you're either dead from the HG or you're out of the reaping.

"Oh," I say. "I just wanted some liquor or something. It's been some tough years. My tributes always die."

"Don't feel bad,"He says, patting my shoulder with his muscular hand. "I haven't had a Victor since Annie, and still, Mags was pretty much her mentor."

"Maybe this year for either of us. But my tributes are practically hopeless," Shrugging, I bend down and dig through some cabinents next to us. I find some whiskey and pull it out.

"I don't think so," Finnick answers, shaking his head. "My boy tribute was a weirdo. Refused training like the rest of the District and nobody voluntereed for him."

We're in the Control Room, we're watching the Games. Haymitch looks more focused on them then usual. He's even completely sober, which is both surprising and impressive. "Haymitch?" Finnick asks. "Since when have you been sober enough to actually know what's going on in here?"

Haymitch smiles a bit as Finnick chuckles at his own joke. "My tributes are fighters this year!"

Half the room gasps. That hasn't happened in years.

"So," I say, tossing some nuts in my mouth and smiling. "How about you introduce them to us? I saw that one of thems a merchants boy."

"Yeahh. Peeta Mellark, his name is. Baker's boy. Head over heels in love with Katniss, the girl."

"Aw!" Says Mags sweetly. She's lucky to still have her speech, after having a stroke. But if she has another, it might all be over.

"Yeah. But, I told him, 'It's gonna take a _loooot _to convince her', but he didn't believe me! It's true, though. That girl. . . I don't know," Says Haymitch, making an mmm-mmm sound while shaking his head.

Haymitch looks at bottle of liqour, clenches his fist white tight. He's competing with himself to stay sober, to help his tributes who maybe, just maybe, will make it. He shakily lifts his hand and grabs the bottle.

"Haymitch," Says Finnick, seriously, his voice full of honesty and concern. "Resist."

He glances at everyone, but doesn't release the bottle. We all stare, silent, watching to see what will happen. All of a sudden, Haymitch throws the bottle against the wall. As it smashes to the ground, most of the other Victors clap. Especially Chaff, who slaps his good hand against the table. This brings Haymitch to put his fists on his hips like a superhero, lift up his chin, and smile triumphly.

This brings a laugh out of me. Not even a fake one. And then we hear another scream and turn towards the monitors. It's my tribute, Clare, who's being stabbed by the boy from District Two. Enobaria, who has come to hate me, looks over at me smugly, but Brutus is really the one who should be.

"Screw you," I say to her. Heads swimg around. They look at me. They look at Enobaria.

"I'm not afraid to tear your throat out," Enobaria says, implying her Games, where she did that.

"Yeah. Like I couldn't take you, bitch." Then I turn back to the monitor and click around, with the realization that my boy is dying on the ground.

I reach forward and grab my trusty whiskey without looking. Instead, my eyes are focused on the boy from my district, Fernamad, die. A hand touches mine lightly.

My gaxe goes down to the bottle, to the hand, and then up the arm of the person and it lands on their face. "What is it, Blight?"

"You're better than this."

I jerk my hand back with the Whiskey. "No, I'm not. I need this. It's my lifeline."

He shakes his head, slowly. "Johanna," He whispers. "You can do it."

"No," I whisper back honestly. "I can't."

How could I be able to? I'm Johanna. My life revolves around this, this drink.

_Thanks, Capitol! We appreciate you ruining our lives!_

Blight grabs my wrist. This does nothing but reminds me of Amarack, so I twist it from his grasp easily, and pull off the cap.

Seemingly giving up, he turns back around and stares at the monitor, doing nothing. He just stares. I've let him down.

What does it matter?

I let everyone down.


	6. Chapter 6: Rehab

I lay down on my bed in the middle of the night, the events of the day still stalking me. Stupid Enobaria. Stupid Whiskey. Stupid Hunger Games.

Stupid Capitol.

I click on the television only to find footage of the Hunger Games everywhere. For some reason, I don't turn it off, despite wanting to. And as I slump down in the bed, all I can hear is some rule change.

Rules? I'm pretty sure the only rules are don't step off your plate before sixty seconds and kill. But as I listen, not intently, I hear Claudius Templesmith tell the few remaining tributes that two tributes can win if they are the last ones standing. And they have to be from the same District.

_"What?" _I say to only myself . I push myself up quickly and stare at the screen, but all that happens in some footage of Haymitch's chick calling out for some guy named Peeta. District partner, probably. It cuts to the District Two tributes celebrating by making out.

And Peeta, in the mud. And some girl from District Five, who has a dead district patner. She looks slightly dissapointed.

I fall back down into the bed, but all I can think about is those tributes who might come out and might not. I'm thinking the District 2 tributes would overpower 12, but 12 could outsmart them.

However, the one thing I'm stuck on is how the boy from District 12 is...

_Zzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz._

When I awake again, I realize I don't have a hangover. My hands fly into the air and I jump off the bed.

"Hell yes! Improvement!"

I see my whiskey bottles in the corner, and get hit with the realization that it's like a collection of them, thats how addicted I am.

Damn, I'm messed up. I should do something about it, but I don't know what. That night I toss and turn in bed, wondering what I should do, and when. Here, in the Capitol? Back in District Seven? Well, those are actually my only two options.

I hate the Capitol, but what if they're able to help me better than those back in District 7? Because they've had training, or went to better schools. I don't know. I'm no doctor, and I _need _to stop thinking about this right now.

It's important to get sleep, so I lay back down.

And I drift into a world where everything is okay.

I take a deep breathe and look down at the pen. Closing my eyes, I think about how much this will help me. I need to do this. I need to. It's my only choice.

Okay, maybe not my only choice, but I know I'll be able to if I can just reach up and freakin' do it!

_It's not that hard, Johanna!_

_**I don't want to.**_

_Do it!_

_**No! I don't want to!**_

There's those voices again, the ones that happened before my Games many years ago. One told me I would win, while the other was all _'Don't be so sure!' _Like a sneaky little snake, when, in reality, I won.

This is making it worse.

I reach up, shakily press the pen to the paper, and scribble 'Johanna Mason' onto the wrinkled piece of paper.

I just signed up for rehab.

And I've never been so damn proud of myself in my entire life.


	7. Chapter 7: Swimming

I dip my toes in the water. It's freezing.

"Finnick, you said water was warm!" I exclaim, and put my hands on my hips.

_"It is!" _he insists, and tries to push me in. I jump out of the way.

"Oh, no! It's cold!"

"What do you know about water, Johanna?" He says.

"Well, I've had baths," I say, and unfortunatly, this is the best I can do. "Oh, and there was some kind of river during the Games."

"I've been swimming since I was two. Get in the water!" He says, not in a mean tone, but serious. Well, I can't say it's serious, since he's smiling.

The Capitol has a pool, reserved for us Victors. Finnick enjoys it the most. Most of the other victors refuse to use it.

Finnick dives in and the chilly water splats across my entire body. I shiver. "Agh!"

He just laughs, and seeing no point in arguing about water, I finally jump in. Cool waves attack my body, and when I push myself to the surface, warmth runs through me. I gasp, because it feels so nice, so warm. Like piss. But less. . . disgusting.

Finnick raises his eyebrows. "Told you."

"Whatever," I say, and wave away his bragginess. "You, my friend, are from District Four." And then I dive back under and feel the water rush past me.

Over the next few days, Finnick teaches me how to swim. At first, my skills are worth shit. But I get better. As I slowly progress, he always tells me we have to get out in a sympathetic voice. We shower, not together, of course, and go back to our rooms back at the training center to retrieve secrets in a not-so-fun way.

Right before Finnick gets off, we wish each other goodluck and fist bump. He always looks so upset when he gets off, but somehow manages to wipe off the look before retreating to the room, where surely some sicko Capitol chick is waiting.

I meet with ugly, rich guys and they tell me crazy secrets. They leave as soon as it's over, probably fearing me. Who isn't scared of me, besides the Victors? Nobody, really. Well, my prep team and Yemenda aren't afraid.

The only time they ever get upset at me is when I do something stupid to my looks that may make me unnatractive.

Suddenly, as one of the guys leaves, winking at me, I have an idea. I jump up and run to the bathroom. After digging through all the cabinents, I find some scissors.

As all my long hair falls to the ground, I set the scissors covered in dark brown long pieces of it down. Then I dare to look in the mirror. I look terrifyingly horrible. For most girls, this would be a nightmare. Not to me, though. It makes me proud. Nobody will want me anymore.

And when I pick up a bottle I also found, I take one sip and pass out on the ground.

When I awake, I'm not in the hospital. Instead, I was being worked on while unconcious by my prep team. That's so un-human like.

_Oh, don't care about her health, look at those nails!_

To their own idiotic surprise, I sit up. There's a mirror in front of me. My hair is not the choppy way I cut it up. Instead, it's spikey. When I run my fingers run through it, there's no hair gel-it's naturally like this. And, being honest, it looks pretty good.

"Wha-What did you do?" I sputter out.

"Well, we fixed your hair! It was a mess! Why would you do that, Johanna?" They ask stupidly.

"Because I wanted to look like a peacekeeper," I say, rolling my eyes and getting up.

"What's a Peacekeeper?"

They all have to think for a few moments before they remember. "Oh, those guards who protect the people of the districts!"

I raise my eyebrows. "Who told you they protect us district people?" I say, leaning in to hear their answer carefully. They don't know it, but I'm getting good information out of it.

"President Snow! He didn't lie to us, did he?"

"No," I say, shaking my head in a sarcastic way, but they won't notice. "So, what else did he tell you about the people from the districts?"

And as they blabber on, I realize, that he's a liar. I already knew that, but he lies to them about everything we do. And there's no way for us to tell them they are lies. Because:

1) Most of us don't know

2) The Hunger Games kids could tell over live TV, but they're too busy focusing on their lives.

President Snow's been telling the nutjobs of the Capitol that we only work 5 hours chopping lumber a day, because he's 'so kind' and doesn't make us work that long. We work ten hours.

In District Four, the Capitol has the Peacekeepers by the ocean to protect the civilians from drowning.

This is most likely false, in fact, I'm almost positive. But I'm still losing patience, because I want to go ask Finnick.

In fact, they tell me more, but when they run out of examples of how the District life isn't all that bad, I run out of the room. When I get in the elevator, instead of pressing 7, I smack my hand on the bold number 4.

The elevator opens two seconds slower than I need. I don't know why, but I'm so urked to ask him. He's not eating in the dining area, but I hear a toilet flush and walk casually towards the bathroom. Finnick comes out, and, unlike most other people, is not alarmed by my sudden appearance.

People suddenly appear in the Games to kill you. Friends appearing out of nowhere will not bug or scare Victors.

"Johanna! What's up? Are we going to go swim-what happened to your hair?" He says.

"Not now," I say. "I have to ask you something. Do the Peacekeepers in your district station themselves by the ocean to protect anyone potentionally drowning?" I ask clearly.

He wrinkles his nose and frowns. "Not in a million years would they try and protect us. I saved someone from drowning while the Peacekeepers stood and watched. They're horrible people. Who told you they were guarding the sea to save us?"

I press my hand to my forehead. "My prep team. President Snow is telling the Capitol people lies about what we're doing! He tells them, because he's a 'nice person', that they're only making the lumberjacks of my district chop wood for five hours a day. We do it for 10! _Ten _hours, Finnick!"

"Well, what can we do?" He says, and sighs unhappily. "We may be Victors, but no Victor can bring down the power of the Capitol. At least, not alone."

My face lights up. We need to have a meeting sometime soon with our taking down the Capitol group.

"We'll do it," I say. "I swore to President Snow, anyway." I shrug like it isn't a big deal.

"And now, you have to tell me about your hair as we go swimming!" He says, and we walk out the door and into a car.

When we arrive at the pool, I'm just getting our pool bag out of the back when I feel an uneasiness. I don't know where it's coming from.

"What's wrong?" Finnick asks.

"Nothing," I say, and wipe away the thoughts like washing away mud with a sponge. There's always some left you never cleaned up. The thick pieces, that really stick.

Like the important thoughts stick to my brain.

I tell him about my hair. He pulls open the door to the pool and holds it open for me. I'm just stepping in when the hands grab me.


	8. Chapter 8 : Oh, Snow

I push and shove and kick and try to get free.

"Johanna!" Finnick exclaims, only a second before stronger and bigger hands grab him. They tape my mouth shut with duct tape and handcuff me like I'm being arrested. But I did nothing wrong!

I can't see well as they shove me into a car with blacked out windows. I know Finnick's being pushed in as well, because I can hear him trying to fight them off.

My thoughts are muddled by my panic when the hands grabbed at me. It reminded me of the Games, like someone was grabbing me, attempting to kill me. At that moment, that could even be true, because I'm in the Capitol. And the Capitol is messed up.

_I didn't do anything wrong,_ I think to myself, and I manage to pull one of my hands out off the cuffs. I reach over using only my sense of touch and a bit of eyesight to find Finnick. I touch his hand and he closes it, though his are still tightly chained into the handcuffs.

No, again, nothing romantic. But this isn't what we were planning on doing. We were ambushed, and we don't know whats going on. So, yes, that is why I'm doing this. I regain my eyesight fully soon and just as I can see everything crystal clear, the guard-people pull me out and drag me somewhere I don't know. We are already inside the building, having been in some sort of huge garage.

Finnick shouts and, with only his one foot, brings down a guard, but another quickly replaces him. I shake my head at him to indicate it's no use.

They push us into a room and I slam against the wall. There's a guard standing in the corner, of course.

"Johanna Mason," He says, looking me up and down. Then he turns to Finnick. "Ah, Finnick Odair. Please, have a seat." You may think it was kind, if he didn't have such a cold tone. I glance at him, his black hair and suit. Sunglasses and earpiece. The perfect guard look.

"Thank you, Maurice," Another man says, and swivels his chair around so he can look at us. He dismisses Maurice and I just stare.

Finnick's eyes widen. "President Snow?" He blurts out. "Why are we here?"

"Ah, Finnick. How are you?" He says, a hint of sarcasm, and a lot of sneakiness. "Please, do not ask any questions. I have something to show you." He turns towards a large screen in the corner. With his back facing us, Finnick and I take the second to exchange a glance: A fearful, nervous, and angry one.

Snow clicks a button on the screen and Finnick and I show up. The date in the corner is today's date! And Finnick and I are on the Fourth floor of the training center!

"You record us?" I shout.

"Johanna, can you please explain to me what you mean by _we'll do it _when you say it here...hmm?" He asks, leaning towards me. "Are you, perhaps, planinng on taking down the Capitol with the other Victors. Possibly a few outsiders?"

I look him straight in the eye. "No. It's Finnick and I. We made our own group to try and take down the Capitol this morning. On our way to swimming today minutes after the video was taken, we changed our minds, saying how the Capitol is so kind to us and we were being silly."

Snow places his fingers lightly on his desk. "Finnick, how are the Peacekeepers _"horrible people who'd never try to protect you?" _They are there to keep your district in line. Did you know that? I'm sure you did. And judging by the fact I haven't had to kill anymore of your family, they are doing a fine job, aren't they?"

Finnick takes a deep breathe but holds his ground. Finnick and I, we know each other. And one thing I know right now is that neither of us will ever swallow our pride and spit out what he wants us to say.

"Keeping the District in line for 74 years? What a feat," He says sarcastically. "My district isn't planning on being rebellious. So chill."

"Yes, as well as mine. We are being very good!" I exclaim, and force myself to smile like a priss.

"Yes. The rest of your districts. You two have a lot of guts."

"So do you," I spit out. I can feel Finnick's eyes on me, but I don't dare turn to look at him. Instead, I challenge President Snow with my eyes. The look he's giving me reminds me of the look Hensa gave me before she almost killed me.

Out of force of habit, my hand jams into my pocket and I grip the knife tightly. A pocket knife. I flip it open and hold the edge tight to my skin. By the feeling, I know that my hand is covered in my thick, red blood. I'd know how blood feels more than most people. Especially the Capitol freaks, who cry when they stub their toe.

President Snow looks at me like I'm crazy now. "Johanna, I've heard you signed up for rehab. Is this rumor true?"

"Yes," I say flatly, and the subject drops.

"Have fun tonight," He says to each of us, and hands us a packet of at least six pages.

"What are these?" I ask, flipping through them. All of the pages are filled with men and their names.

"Oh, why, that's your list of visitors for this week, until the Hunger Games are over."

There are over a hundred men on this list. "How am I supposed to get all these guys to fit in?" I manage to choke out.

"Two at a time. Many in a night. You're very bright, Johanna. You'll figure out a way."

Finnick looks up. His packet is very large. His eyes are full of bewilderment, of some type of hate I've only seen once before.

I pull my knife out without thinking and launch myself at the President of our country. I wipe my blood off my thumb and wipe it on his fancy white shirt. As I'm getting ready to kill him myself, he shouts a command and five guards burst through the door immediatly.

They pull me off, and I shove the knife back in my pocket before they can take it.

"Get them out of here," Snow snarls.

And as the guards pull me and Finnick out of the room and click the door shut, I sigh, and my head is pounding, and I turn around and I look at the room one more time.

I'll be back here. By myself. I'll get him all by myself.


	9. Chapter 9 : Quarter Quells

I smash my head against the keyboard in the control room. A few looks are tossed my way, I know, but I don't bother to look at them. Especially Finnnick. He's been pretty insane lately. Sweaty palms, shaking as he gets up to go meet with another Capitol chick... I don't know.

Right now, there's some huge fight between District 12 and 2. I don't honestly care, but I'm rooting for District 12. Haymitch deserves to have at least _one _victor in almost 25 years.

Brutus is cheering on Cato, who's choking poor Peeta. Katniss's a mess, trying to figure out what to do as he dies.

Well, smart cookie Peeta draws an X on Cato's hand with his own blood, Katniss shoots his hand with her arrow, and Cato falls down solo.

Brutus is shocked. His faces falls to despair. Haymitch pumps his fist in the air, and he and Finnick high-five.

I can't help but smile. "Congrats, Haymitch," I say, and he thanks me.

"They haven't won yet!" Brutus spits out angrily, glaring at me and not Haymitch. The look on my face must be very defensive.

His gaze goes to Haymitch, Finnick, and lands back on me.

Jeez, is it just me, or am I always doing something wrong?

Brutus gives me the finger. That's it. The last straw. I stand up and don't bother to gather my thoughts before I punch Brutus in the nose as hard as I can. It immediatly bloodies up and I think it might be broken.

Instead of backing down, a flame ignites inside of him, and it's as if steams coming from his ears. Even Haymitch, who has been watching the Games so intently, can't peel his eyes off of me. No Victor would ever dare challenge another.

But I did.

Brutus tries to take a swing at of me, but I jump out of the way easily. He stands, and though he's taller than me, I dodge all of his attepmts at attacking me and knock him out from behind. The noise he makes as he smashes against the ground is enough to bring a guard to the door.

"Johanna Mason," He snarls angrily. "With me. Now."

I don't move. Enobaria calls the medics. The guard grabs my wrists and pulls me out of the room. I turn around and District One and Two are glaring at me. I do the same.

I was sent home immediatly. I'm not trustworthy of being in the Control room. My first thought is _"Oh, my family will be happy to see me." _

6 years and I still make the mistake of thinking they're still alive.

Back home, I pace around the garden, occasionally glancing down at the flowers or weeds sprouting on the ground. Then I remember that this is where I found the dead bodies of my mother, my father, and my little sister.

Emotions take over my body and I tear back around and go back to my house. I sit inside, staring at a bottle of beer. I didn't have time to go to my first rehab class and I don't think I can handle this anymore.

All of a sudden, I jump up, pushing my chair 20 feet behind me before it slams into the wall. I hurry over to the closet and dig through it, hoping to find exactly what I need. No dissapointment. I pull out the carboard box. It's large - very large, sturdy, and thick. Just what I need.

Standing at the table, I grab all the bottles and push them into the box all at once. For some reason, I can't believe I'm doing this. But I am. And I'm very proud.

I run out of the door to my home and all the way to the dump. I pass people who glare at me and jump over the sort-of tall fence with barbed wire.

Once at a good location, I take a deep breathe and toss the box full of liquor, beer, wine, whiskey, scotch, and all other alcohol I own into the big pile of trash. Most of the glasses crack and liquid runs out of them.

I don't even get an urge to drink them.

When I turn around and jump back over the fence, I can't help but think of how proud I've been of myself lately.

**-9 MONTHS LATER-**

I sit, watching the Capitol news. Thinking of how rebellious District 7 has been lately. I've stayed out of the fighting. Not because I'm a coward, but because I can't afford to cause any more trouble than I already have.

Footage of Katniss Everdeen, a girl I still haven't met, in her wedding dresses appears. Apparantly, she's in love with Peeta and they're going to get married.

I look down and continue with my knitting, which I've taken on in order to help myself stay sober. This is a pretty nice scarf.

Suddenly, I hear something and my hands start to sweat. I place my knitting on the ground next to the small couch and wipe my palms on my pants. Once my breathe is back, I dare to look up and see President Snow opening a card for the Quarter Quell.

I swallow, as I can only imagine what horrible things I'll have to train a tribute for. I feel the need to drink, so I grab my knitting and continue it, though I'm still staring at the screen.

President Snow begins by telling us what happened in the 25th and 50th Hunger Games.

"And, to honor the 3rd Quarter Quell..." He begins. "To remind the people of the Districts that even the strongest among them can overcome the power of the Capitol, tributes will be chosen from their previous pool of Victors."

My needle makes a clanging sound as it falls to the ground. I feel paralyzed, my eyes frozen open, unblinking. My body moves and I kick the door open, not even bothering to turn the knob. It forces open and slams against the house,breaking in half.

I run across the District as fast as I can, and people looking out of their windows laugh. The lumberjacks glare at me and then chuckle after hearing the news.

I keep running, faster, faster, forcing myself to my limit. I run all the way into the forest, up the small hill, and back down it. I climb back up another hill, and, panting, climb the higest tree I can find.

I'm the only living female Victor of District Seven.

Since I'm not an idiot, I know what that means. Everyone does. But I don't want to believe it. . .

I'm going back into the Games.


	10. Chapter 10 : Haymitch Has A Plan

I don't get out of bed. I don't even try. I lay there. Not as a loser, but only because I just don't feel like it. I'm a lazy ass.

Still, one morning, I force myself up. The world spins but I hold my ground and swing my taped up door open. I'll walk through town with attitude; like I own it. Like the Quarter Quell hasn't affected me. They shouldn't even try to mess with me. I went into the Games, and I came out with only a sprained ankle. And that wasn't even caused by a person hurting me.

So, instead of cowering in my house, I walk right through the square. I don't look at anybody, just keep my eyes focused on a point ahead of me. People stare, yes, but it doesn't affect me.

At one point, a guy shoves me. I don't turn around, but my hand flies back and finds the face of the boy who did it. He falls to the ground and moans in pain.

I keep walking. The people who witnessed me do that, they back away a few steps cautiously. Still, despite their rude behaivor, I ignore them.

They whisper. I walk. I keep walking up to the lumberjack's store. In there, I buy a set of axes. The guy at the counter slowly takes my money with a shaking hand.

"Here's your change," He says with a wavering voice.

"Thanks." Then I turn around sharply, strap my new axes around my waist like I did in the Games, and walk out the door, listening to only the chimes the glass door make.

A boy my age turns around and hurries away from me. Parents grab the hands of their children. I pull out one of my brand nex axes and hear a squeel of terror.

People are such babies these days.

Rain begins to fall. People rush to their houses, using the rain quickly picking up pace as their excuse to run away. I think maybe it's part rain, part me. More me. I keep my head held high, though, and keep walking. _Don't look. _ I'm Johanna Mason and I don't give a damn what people think of me.

I am strong.

I am sly.

I am smart.

I am seductive.

_I am sober_.

The rain turns from a drizzle to a downpour in several minutes. There's not a person in sight. Doors are locked. I'm still far from my house, and already soaked. I look up at the sky and then look straight ahead, before starting to run. Puddles splash around me, making the one pair of shoes I love all wet. Zem gave me these. I can't ruin them. I tear them off my feet and continue to run in my socks.

These socks were given to me by the Capitol, and by now, they're ruined. That doesn't bother me at all. It's pretty dark out, and I let the rain wash away my troubles. They fall to the ground and I leave them behind as I keep running.

Thunder booms all around me and lightning lights up the sky. I throw my arms wide at my sides, as if I'm a bird, and close my eyes as the rain splatters on my face. I love this. I love rain.

A thought hits me. Tommorrow is reaping day. For some reason this doesn't bother me. If I die, I die. Oh well.

I reach my house and decide to go in, despite not really wanting to. When I walk in, my phone is ringing.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Johanna, this is important," The voice answers seriously.

"Haymitch? What's wrong?"

"Ever since they announced the Quarter Quell, I've been planning some training for you and the other Victors. I can't say it over the phone, it's too dangerous. But I'll talk to you in the Capitol soon, okay?" He asks.

I'm confused, but I still say, "Okay. See you then."

"Bye." He hangs up.

That was weird. But somehow, when he put emphasis on training, I know he's planning for more than one of us to get out of the arena alive. But what if he gets called at the reaping? Then he won't be able to carry out his plan. . .

Peeta. Peeta Mellark. He'll volunteer to go in with Katniss. I know it.

I put the phone back where it belongs and then fall to the floor. I'm tierd. And right now I don't give a damn if the reaping is tommorrow.

I'm being called. And that's final. So why should I mope about it? There's nothing I can to change it. Besides commit suicide. But I wouldn't do that, because I'm not a quitter.

If I die, I die. But I know I won't go down without a fight.

When I wake up in the morning, I realize I fell asleep a sober woman, despite knowing I was headed to (possible) death. I climb out of bed and dress up, sort of. I wear a long-ish gold dress and brush my hair, despite it being short.

Finally, I drag myself to the reaping where surely my fate will take place. I just hope I do everything right, as this is probably the last time I'll see District Seven.

When I arrive, I stand in a special roped-off area for just me. Baily takes the stage unexcitedly, knowing exactly who is going in.

"Time to pick our tributes for the 75th Hunger Games, your 3rd Quarter Quell," She says into the microphone.

"And your girl tribute will be..." I wait silently as she digs around the bowl with just my name in it. "Johanna Mason."

There's almost no clapping as I take the stage, feeling small and weak under the mercy of the Capitol, but also feeling strong and rebellious to myself and to my District.

Katniss Everdeen defied the Capitol. Why can't I?

Baily, of course, grabs Blight's name. "Shake hands, please, Johanna and Blight," She says, and we smile and shake weakly.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, your tributes for the 75th Hunger Games!" She says, more peppy than she's been all day. Still, the atmosphere is soggy and heavy.

I've got nobody to say goodbye to, so I just sit in the Justice Building, feeling the chair but not looking at it for a while until the Peacekepper tells me I can board the train. Though I'm doing nothing wrong, he still shoves me when I walk out the door.

Peacekeepers are so rude.

I walk onto the train and retreat to my room. There are times when I honestly just want to be left alone, and this is certainly one of them. Being by myself helps me gather my thoughts and sometimes I'll write them down. Not like a diary, but just on a piece of loose leef paper. Then I'll just throw it out.

In my room, I take off my reaping dress and put on pajamas. After that, I just sit by the window, watching District Seven go by, wondering if I'll ever see it again. It takes a long time, since my District is huge, but I just sit there and watch it, recognizing almost every part of it. The forest.

I start crying when I see one of the largest trees in the forest that the lumberjacks haven't found. I used to sit up there all the time. I would think up there, and if I'd had a bad, day, I'd still sit at the very top of it during a thunderstorm.

Suddenly, I don't feel like looking out the window anymore. As I'm about to turn, I see the last of District Seven go away. I slam against the window and press my face to it, wanting so badly to slam through it and run through the forest, away from this place.

On reaping day six years ago exactly, I thought about running away from the District, but decided against it.

Now, how badly I wish I had gone through with that seemingly crazy idea. We're in District Six now, which happens to be right next to us, despite the rest being pretty spread out. I fall onto the bed and decide against going to dinner. The only people who'll be there are Blight and Baily. But I doubt Blight will go to dinner. In fact, I bet he won't even go to training.

The next day, when we arrive in the Capitol, Blight comes up to me while I'm eating a tub of pudding to drown my troubles. Its better than liqour.

"Johanna, emergency meeting," He whispers, and grabs my hand with so much intense force, I drop my spoon and pudding.

When we arrive at some woods where there's no cameras. At least we can be pretty sure. Someone probably checked. There's a sort-of small metal building. When I walk inside, Haymitch, Plutarch, Wiress, Beete, Cecelia, Woof, Finnick, Mags, the morphlings, Seeder, and Chaff are all there. All Victors. Except Plutarch.

"What's going on?" I ask, somehow knowing this is a plan to throw down the Capitol.

"We've got to dicuss something," Haymitch says, standing up and walking towards a fancy Capitol monitor as if he's giving a presentation. "I've been planning this since I found out about the Quarter Quell. First off, we're not letting you all die."

For some reason, I'm not all that suprised about this. I guess for one he called me beforehand and told me about something, but that's not all.

"As you all know, District Thirteen exists. We're escaping there," Haymitch continues. "What I need you all to do, though, is to make sure Katniss and Peeta stay alive."

"Risking our own lives in the process?" I spit out, kind of disgusted, as I've never met these people.

"Possibly," Haymitch says slowly, then shakes his head. "But that's not the point. It'd be helpful if you stay alive, too. Katniss has shown me that she has not given up on her life, so thats a plus side and a negative. She'll do anything to stay alive, including killing any of you."

"But, what if she tries to kill us? Then can we fight back?" I insist. "I'm not just going to let her kill me so she can live."

And it's true. Why would I? That's stupid.

"Maybe. You're probably stronger than her, Johanna, so fight her back, but don't kill her. Possibly knock her out or something. Anyway, Plutarch, I need you to make sure there's a wire in the pile of supplies. Beetee, we talked earlier, remember? Here's what's going to go on."

Then Haymitch tells us about how Beetee is going to do something with the wire and somehow the force field around us is going to blow up.

"Wait, what's the arena going to be like?" Asks Finnick, as confused as me.

"A clock. Each hour, a new horror in each section of the spokes will come out. We'll send you bread. The district the bread comes from is the day, and the number of pieces the hour. We may not be able to get you some from District One or Two, but we'll be sure to get District 3. There will be a force field around it. Beetee can see them, so he'll know they're there."

This is an awful lot. "So what happens when the force field blows up?" Asks Wiress.

"We're going to send in some District 13 hovercrafts and get you all rescued from the arena. Then we'll go and escape to District 13," Haymitch explains, as if it's totally obvious, though it really only is to him and possibly Plutarch.

"Wait, so I'll never go home again?" I ask, shocked, sad, and terrified.

"I don't know," Haymitch answers honestly. "We'll see."

By his tone, I know that this is the start of a war.

I'm so glad. And so scared. Of what will happen to me. Of what will happen to the rest of us. Of what will happen to my district.

But it's finally happened. And it only took 75 years.


	11. Chapter 11 : Chariots

I step up into the chariot in my idiotic tree costume. Yemenda, who is still my stylist, is excited and sad to have me again. "So, I've decided to make you trees again since there's not much more we can make you," She says, and shrugs.

"Whatever," I say, but my voice gets muffled as I pull on the headpiece and wait in my chariot pulled by tree-trunk colored horses. Oh, how creative. I'm about to turn around and insult Yemenda with this thought when the gate's open and District One's horse starts rolling out.

I'm not going to wave. I'm not going to smile. I'm going to stay perfectly still, look straight, ahead, not look angry, or happy, or anything. My mouth is going to stay in a perfectly straight line.

I can't wait. It's going to be fun.

Our chariot rolls out. I look straight ahead and accidently wham my hand into Blight's side. He doesn't wince,despite my hand hurting badly now. Instead of showing the pain, I drop my hand down and look straight ahead. I hear screams of Johanna and wish I could hide my face under this stupid costume.

Well, I get lucky, because District 12 rolls out and steals all the glory with lighting up suits. I glance over quickly, and yes, they look ravishing. Cinna. Portia. District 12? How could they get such amazing stylists, when all I have is freakin' Yemenda?

I tear my eyes away and look at the President waiting out on his balcony far away in the distance. Blight's like a statue, not even moving the slightest bit.

When the President starts his speech, he looks at me with those snake-eyes and I challenge him with my eyes before he looks away and focuses on Katniss instead. When we finally get back into the training center, I immediatly head over to Finnick, who offers me a sugar cube. I accept and we embrace, as we'd never thought this would happen.

I glance over at Katniss, who, in her last Games, refused to look at Peeta naked. He was dying, she still wouldn't. She's so pure. Me and Finnick had discussed messing with her when she was a mentor, but now would be a fun time. I chew on my sugar cube.

"I think I'll strip in front of her," I conclude.

Finnick laughs. "Yeah, it creeps her out."

I swing my head around. "What do you mean?" I ask supspiciously.

"Look at my outfit. I got really close to her and told her about the Capitol telling me secrets."

"No?" I say, shocked.

"Yes." He nods. I smile and laugh.

"I have to get to know her anyway. She seems a little cocky to me," I accuse.

"Johanna, you know I love you, but you're pretty cocky." Finnick stares at me.

"I am not!"

"You are!"

"Ugh. I'll just ride the elevator with her. But I'm gonna keep these slippers on. They're pretty jammin', aren't they, Finnick?" I ask.

"Sure," He says sarcastically, and walks away laughing at his own cute little jokes.

We're finally allowed to go back into the training center, and I rush up towards Katniss and Peeta. They probably won't recognize me from under here, so I pull of my stupid leafy hat and toss it back, not caring where it goes. I fluff about at my hair, as if then it will be fixed and roll my eyes.

"Isn't my costume awful? My stylist's the biggest idiot in the Capitol. Our tributes have been trees for forty years under her. Wish I'd gotten Cinna. You look fantastic," I compliment, with only a hint of sarcasm, but she doesn't notice.

"Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet," Katniss answers. By her tone, I can pretty much tell she's lying, but I pretend I don't notice.

Velvet. Where have I seen it on her?

"I have," I say, finally remembering. "On your tour. The strapless number you wore in District Two? The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back."

She looks a little frazzled and scared, and I want to smile. I hit the up button on the elevator and since we're waiting, I feel this is a good time to make my move on creeping the crap outta her.

I unzip my tree outfit and kick it away as far as I can, disgusted with how it looks. Still wearing my slippers of course, as I told Finnick I would. But that's all. "That's better," I say.

Of course I get on the same elevator as them and I start to chat with Peeta on the ride to the Seventh floor as Katniss pretends she's not freaked out. "Your artwork is really amazing," I say.

"Thanks," He'll say, and we'll continue to talk about colors and the creativity at drawing the Games.

The elevator opens, and I walk off. I can just hear Peeta laugh a bit as the doors close and I head to my room to change. Well, not change. More like re-dress.

I pull on a cute little top and some jeans. I put on socks, but no shoes. I hate shoes. Then I just sit back on my bed and think about all the current events that have happened so far. In all the things I've been juggling lately, I haven't had time to think about them.

So, as I lay on the bed, I think: _I won the 68th Hunger Games. I killed only 2 people. I went on a Victory Tour. I refused to sleep with men. President Snow killed my family. I was a mentor for many years with Finnick and Haymitch and everyone else. District 12 won for the first time since Haymitch. 2 people won for the first time, ever. The Quarter Quell was announced. I got picked at the Reaping. Now I'm here, preparing for another Games that won't be normal. _

Blight walks in. "Come with me," He says, and I don't question him like I normally would. I just don't feel in that kind of mood today.

"Okay."

He leads me the same way we did yesterday, and when we're halfway there, I know where exactly we're going. Back to that place in the Woods. I guess Haymitch is having another meeting. When I walk in, I realize we're the last people there.

"Now what?" I complain, because I just want to sit on my bed and get my rest to prepare for the Games. It's about the best I can do.

"We need to discuss something. Plutarch, have you gotten the wire in the supplies?" Haymitch asks.

"Yes, I've made sure it'll be there," Heavansbee nods, and looks towards Beetee and Wiress.

"And Beetee, make sure you get it, whatever the cost may be," Haymitch continues.

"Yes. I will do my best to retrieve it without..." He cuts himself off.

"Being slaughtered," I finish. "Don't worry, I'll watch your back, Beetee. You can trust me."

"Nobody can trust you, Johanna." My eyes fly across the table and land on Haymitch.

"What do you mean?" I ask, a bit angry.

"You're unpredictable."

I have to think about this, because yes, this is true. I _am _unpredictable. You never know what I'll end up doing.

"I'm still going to make sure he gets it, okay?" I say.

"I'm not saying it's a bad idea," Haymitch stresses. "It's a _good _idea, but just be careful. I don't need you going and dying on me."

"You think I can't fight off the others?" I laugh.

"Oh, I _know _you won't go down without a fight, Johanna," Beetee says. "But he just cannot afford to have me and you both die in the first thirty seconds."

"We won't!" I say, and lean back in my chair, finished my conversation with the group.

"You're so stubborn, Johanna," Finnick says, smiling, and then turns back to the group of people and discusses what he's supposed to do.

I don't want to be allies with Katniss Everdeen. She's cocky, she's much too confident in herself, and she's too blunt. She can't lie, she has a little sister who acts six, she's odd. I don't like her.

_This is going to go swimmingly, _I think sarcastically.


	12. Chapter 12 : Training And Lunch

**Hey! Hope my updating is ok, and I'm sorry this is really short, but I'm working on another HG fanfic. It's Haymitch/Maysilee thing during the 50th Hunger Games. Like what they do and they're thoughts. I'm kind of focusing on that one right now.**

**Don't get me wrong, I'll update as best I can, so almost every day or every other day, but I just wanted to say if I don't update like super-super fast then that's why. I've managed to make and upload 2 chapters for this story and 2 for other story, too TODAY! So I'm doing pretty good if I do say so myself (: **

**Anyway it's called Candy Pink Birds (The birds that killed Maysilee) **

**I would've put a CATCHING FIRE SPOLIER ALERT up there ^^ but seeming as how you're reading something about Johanna Mason I'm assuming you've read it.**

**I originally put the link on here but fanfiction kept messing up so you can just click on my profile up there ^^ and it'll be there! Thanks for reading it! (: **

**O****h and Sorry For My RANT! **

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Today is the first day of training. I dress in a random outfit, because Baily says it doesn't really matter what I wear.

10:00. I'll wait a couple more minutes, because I honestly don't care if I'm the last person there. After a few minutes of just sitting there and doing nothing, I conclude I'll go. I peek my head into Blight's room, where he's sitting.

"Come on Blight, let's go," I say.

"Where?" He asks, as if he doesn't know.

"Training."

"Oh, I'm not going to that."

I pop my head up in shock. "Don't you have to?" I ask.

"I don't know, but I'm not going either way," He answers, and looks away.

"Okay..." I stand up straight and walk away.

I guess I'm not really surprised he's not going. He'd mentioned before he didn't want to go. I get into the elevator and press the button for the training center. As it starts to move, I sit on the ground and think about how suckish my life is and how there are people who would've commited suicide by this time if they were me.

Suddenly, I need my liqour. I kick at the elevator and smash my hand on the emergency stop button. The elevator comes to an abrubt stop and the doors open. I'll have to climb up pretty far, and I know I could, but somehow, I back away and press the button to restart the elevator going to the training center.

I close my eyes and breathe in sharply, because I know I can do this, I know I can live without this liqour.

When I get down to the training center, most of the people are there. I decide to try out some new things. I stay away from the axes and do some knife throwing instead. Try the bow and arrows, and realize I'm horrible.

I move on to another station. Wrestling. The trainer tells me to oil myself down. I strip down so I'm naked again without caring and get him to hand me the oil.

He looks at my face awkwardly and gives me the oil. I rub myself down and watch Katniss out of the corner of my eye. At one point, she looks over. She's hanging out with District Three.

I finally get into my wrestling gear after a few minutes of tugging and pulling because this stuff is so skin tight. Just as I'm about to begin my match with the trainer, I hear a shoot and the sound of an impact.

I stop talking to him and turn around, only to find Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, who loves Peeta and is engaged to him, who has a lot of confidence in herself, shooting birds in the air that the trainer at the bow-and-arrow station is throwing.

She hits every single one in the eye. Somewhere where it will die, but all the meat will still be fresh.

I stand and stare, watching her hit every single one. They fall to the ground. Then I realize that almost everyone in the training center is staring at her. You can hear every one of them hit the ground, despite them just being little stuffed birds.

I think Katniss realizes this, too, because she lowers the bow and turns slowly. Her cheeks burn when she realizes we're all staring.

Atala, some lady who runs the training center, tells us its time for lunch. I redress and walk into the lunchroom, where several people are pushing the tables together so we can all eat together. It's a pretty good idea, so I go around and help them.

When it's finished, I go and get a tray. I pick out some different foods when I spot Brutus sitting next to Enobaria with nobody on his other side. When I finally pick out some chicken I like, I head over to sit with him.

"Brutus," I say bluntly. He recognizes my voice and turns sharply. There is no bandage on his nose.

"Johanna," He mutters.

"I see your nose has healed," I say with a hint of laughter and sarcasm. "Was it broken?"

He looks down at his food. "Yes."

"Oh, well, I apologize!" I say, and then change my mind about sitting next to him. I turn around and walk away to sit with Finnick and Mags.

"What's up?" I ask. Mags had another stroke, and her voice is all but a bunch of blabber to me.

"Nothing," Says Finnick, even though there is so much going on in all of our live's. "I saw you talking to Brutus," He chuckles.

"Yes!" I say with a note of superior. "I asked him about how his nose was. He's informed me that it was indeed, broken."

Finnick laughs and I continue.

"He did indeed underestimate the power of a young girl, do you not agree, Mr. Odair?" I ask.

"Oh, I agree. I mean, he was so wrong to mess with you. He was a mentor the year of your Games. He saw what you could do, and yet, he thinks you couldn't break his nose with one blow to it?"

"Guess not," I say, and smile. "But I think it's pretty stupid they sent me home because of an 'attack'."

"It wasn't really an attack," Finnick agrees. Mags just nods.

I look away and bite a piece of my chicken.

Instead of talking the rest of the time, I just eat my lunch and think about Haymitch's plan.

And realize how many damn flaws it has.

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**Sorry for the boring-ness I promise to make the next few more exciting! Thanks for R & R ing and again, sorry for the shortness, but hey, I already updated today.**

**Have a nice weekend! **

**-Jellybean**

**PS I don't own the Hunger Games or Johanna Mason!**


	13. Chapter 13 : Interviews

**Ahh! I'm such a poo! I haven't updated! **

**But I want to tell you about a website I found called Care2 . c o m ! You can 'click to donate' for FREE to help save animals and breast cancer, children in need, ect. so I suggest you check it out! You can click each one every day!**

**Thanks!**

**Hope ya enjoy this chapter! (:**

* * *

I get up in the morning and realize that today's the day of the interviews. After three easy days of training and one of being prepared for my interview, today's the day.

And tommorrow we'll be in the Games, but I can't even think about that. I don't want to, either. Who would? They're stupid and horrible.

No, I'm not afraid. In fact, it's just stupid. Screw it. Screw the Capitol. Screw the world, because everything on it sucks.

Especially the people.

I flop down on the bed and lay there until Baily is pounding on the door and trying to unlock it, screaming at me that I need to get downstairs and get ready for my interview.

I don't remember much through getting dressed. I don't feel like giving up on my life, even though it's one of the worst possible.

They dress me in a dress thats like a tree trunk from my knees swirling up to my chest, where leaves flow out in every direction.

I hate it.

They curl my hair and put on my makeup and they force me backstage. I notice Katniss in her wedding dress, which is actually really beautiful. I walk over to her in my pretty little high heels and straighten her necklace, thinking of President Snow and how she can defy the Capitol with a handful of berries or a twirl of her dress. We've all been betrayed by this Quarter Quell.

The pearls are really pretty and I place it back down, now perfect.

"Make him pay for it, okay?" I say, and she nods.

I listen to the interviews preety intently to get more ideas for my interview. I tried to listen to Baily yesterday at training, but I wasn't. Not a lot, anyway, so I better get some good ideas.

Cashmere steps up first. "I just can't stop crying!" She wails, showing off her 'amazing' acting skills. "Whenever I think about the Capitol, I think about how much they're suffering because of the loss of all but one of us Victors!"

Gloss doesn't say he's been crying like Cashmere. "I'd like to thank all of the citizens of the Capitol. I remember when I got out of the Games, they refused to let me die, even though I was very close to it. And Cashmere, who get great medical care. Thank you for your kindness to us."

Beetee asks if the Quell has been fully examined by experts as of late, and I can't recall exactly what he says because it doesn't make sense.

Finnick recites a poem to his one true love, Annie. Although hundreds of people in the audience faint because they think it's about them. Has Finnick really slept with that many people?

I tune out District Five and hear part of the Morphlings interviews, but I only feel present when they call me up.

"Johanna Mason, of District Seven! It's been a long time since I've seen you," Caeser manages to say, although he's a little choked up.

"Yes, it's been quite a while since the 68th Games," I agree. "But I'd like to ask if something can't be done about the Quell." I stand up and walk to the end of the stage.

"The Creators of the Quarter Quell would have never guessed that all the Victors-" I gesture towards them with my hand. "-would form such a deep bond. No one could be so cruel as to sever it. Us Victors are like a family. We have each other. Spending weeks together stuck in the same room every year as mentors can really create an amazing friendship."

I take a deep breathe.

"So I'm asking, can't something be done about this Quell?"

I don't know what to say so I let my last sentence sink in.

Saved by the buzzer.

"Thank you," I say quickly and _tap-tap _out of the spotlight and back to my seat thankfully.

Cecelia barely talks at all and lets Caeser asks question. She then gives one word answers such as Yes and No. Woof doesn't seem to know what's going on.

Seeder, the Distrist 11 Victor, quietly talks about her home District and what they think about President Snow.

Chaff walks up and says, "Like Seeder said, we think Snow is very powerful. The Quell _could _be changed by the President if he really wanted to. He must not think it matters to anyone!"

The audience is a mess, weeping, screaming, collapsing on the ground. Seeing Katniss step up in her wedding dress makes the audience a wreck and they start calling for a change.

When Katniss spins, she catches on fire and smoke rises around her so you can barely see her. I stand up and lean forward immediatly with my mouth wide open, thinking nothing but _What the hell is going on?_


	14. Chapter 14 : Interviews Part Two

**I know, I know. I'm the biggest poo-face ever. But Fanfiction wouldn't let me log in and then I went camping at a campground who promised internet connection, but they were having problems. And I just got back late last night. I'm already working on the next chapter, so I'm really really sorry and I promise I won't let it happen again!**

**BTW, this chapter is for my lil' bro, Shawn, who turned 11 today! Happy birthday! (April 25 2011)**

* * *

Katniss looks worried. She continues to spin, though, and I stay frozen, leaning forward and staring, unable to tear my eyes away. How many times has something like this happened in the Game interviews before, where someone has tranformed into a...

a...

a...

A bird? My mind flashes back to the woods of District Seven, smelling of pine and exhaustion. Birds tweeted.

_"Dad? What are those birds doing?" I ask, brushing my dark brown hair out of my face and struggling to hold onto my big-girl axe._

_"Why, Johanna, those are mockingjays. They're formed from Mockingbirds and JabberJays. They can remember things well, and they can sing, they can all sing beautifully."_

Katniss Everdeen has been turned into a mockingjay.

Caeser, at least, has figured out she's not supposed to be a human. Instead, her dress is as black as the coal from her district and small feathers sprout out of the dress. She lifts her arms-wings-into the air, and I can only see flecks of white patches on the sleeves of the gown.

Caeser reaches out and touches her headpiece. "Feathers. You're like a bird."

"A mockingjay, I think," says Katniss, and flaps her wings. "It's the bird on the pin I wear as a token."

Caeser proceeds to congratulate Cinna, Katniss's stylist, who then takes a small bow at Caesers suggestion.

The audience, who was just silent and frozen, as the rest of us, breaks into applause so wild and loud, you can barely hear the faithful buzzer. I lean back in my chair and watch her walk back to her seat, earning herself a stare from almost every Victor she passes.

Peeta and Caeser, who are like old friends, chat a bit with jokes about fire and other things I couldn't care less. I tune out most of the interview, preoccupied with trying to figure out how Cinna had made that outfit. How did it burn away just when she spun.

Peeta tells Caeser he's..._married? _Married to Katniss Everdeen? The audience is absorbed in this whole conversation, and even I turn my attention back to those two back up at the front of the stage, not being able to help but listen to the conversation.

It goes on for a bit, and Caeser is quite surprised at the fact that Peeta wishes it hadn't happened. Of course, as its his job, Caeser tries to get him to talk more on the subject.

I can't make sense of what's happening. I'm trying to piece the puzzle back together when something Peeta says shatters even the tiniest of the puzzle into a million pieces.

My head darts up as I hear him say: _"Maybe I'd think that too, Caeser. If it weren't for the baby."_

Immediatly, I know this probably isn't true, she probably has no baby, but not even _I _can comprehend how indescribably horrible this is.

The audience is silent for a moment. All at once, though, they abosrb the news. All of a sudden, they burst into screams and cries and wails. My heart is pounding out of my chest, because despite being the most badass victor alive, I still can't quite let this go in one ear and out the other, like I can with everything else.

Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, is pregnant. With a baby who probably won't make it because of the brutality of the Games. Because if Katniss dies, then so does an innocent, helpless child who won't even have a chance to see this world...

This world... this horrible world. This world full of bloodthirsty, inhumane people. Full of violence, full of hate. Children killing other children, President Snow killing to and fro as he pleases.

My eyes flick up, and I realize all the Victors around me are rising. The anthem is making the entire place vibrate, and I rise.

Blight offers me his hand, and I grab it in mine. The male morphling is a bit choked up, and he shakily takes my hand in his, which I support with my strength. Up and down the entire row, I see, every single Victor, including Enobaria, Brutus, and the half-drunk District Five Victor, Mufus, are all holding the hands of those next to them.

Every single one of us. Every. Single. One. From District One to District Twelve, where Peeta is crying and Katniss is obviously suffering as she holds Peeta's hand and Chaff's stump, which got sliced off during the final battle between him and the girl from District 4.

The crowd is still a mess, and the lights go out. I can't see a thing, but I need to find someone. "Finnick!" I wail, and blindly make my way down the row of Victors.

"Johanna?" Finnick's voice rings through the darkness.

"Finnick," I say. "Where are you?" He appears in front of me, and I reach out to tentively touch him, confirming that it is, indeed, Finnick Odair of District 4.

"Where's Mags?" I ask.

"I don't know," He answers, and I'm pretty sure he shakes his head in sorrow.

We make our way back to the traning center, and try to join Katniss in Peeta in the elevator. After all, we need some way to get back to our floor. A Peackeeper with shaved black hair throws his hands out in front of the elevator, blocking our way, and the elevator doors shut, leaving us to wait for the next one as everyone else manages to find one.

"Oh my..." I say.

"I know. What the hell happened out there?" Finnick blurts.

I scratch my head and them drop my hand down. "I have no idea. Who started it?"

"Peeta. Peeta and Katniss."

"Wouldn't surprise me," Is all I say, and then the elevator doors open and I press 7. Finnick waits for us to go all the way up to the District Seven floor before pressing 4 so that we can have time to talk.

"I'll see you in the arena tommorrow," He says. "We'll try and find each other, okay?"

"Hope so," I say, and the doors open. "I'll try. But I'm in charge of getting Wiress, Beetee, and Blight."

"Good luck with that. I've got to get Katniss, Peeta, and Mags."

"Make sure they don't die, kay?" I demand. "That's the most important thing right now." I smooth out my leaves and, just as the doors are shutting, I call out, "Be very very sure!"

Then the doors close and I'm left all alone


	15. Chapter 15 : Cannons

"Let The 75th Hunger Games begin!" Says Claudius Templesmith, and I position myself to run. Something cool runs over toes. I slam back against the cylinder and my eyes dart down.

Water. WATER? My gaze slowly goes up and surrounding the Cornucopia is saltwater. I'm still wondering if there's any dangers in it when the gong rings. Katniss Everdeen dives in immediatly followed by Finnick, of course.

He looks up at me as he's swimming towards the Cornucopia, confused. He knows I can swim, and I know I can, too. But obviously Katniss didn't think about whether or not there were threats in the water. I look down and bite my lip.

I'm not scared, but I still stand there for a few minutes and look around the waters. I can't seem to see anything under them, which isn't something I enjoy.

Then I dive in headfirst and spin around underwater. I force my eyes open and they sting, but I look around and there seems to be nothing that would possibly eat me alive, so I push myself back up to the surface and swim all the way to the Cornucopia.

When I get to the Cornucopia, I swing my head from side to side rapidly, looking for Beetee. And Wiress, because Beetee won't leave Wiress. And Blight, because I can't leave him. As his district partner, it's my duty to protect him.

I rummage through the supplies. Suddenly I hear something coming whizzing at me, and I immediatly slam into the ground in an attempt to save my life. I lie on my back and watch the knife go slicing through the air above my head.

The attempted murder was performed by Enobaria, that freak with the fangs from District Two. Of course she hates me, I broke her fellow mentor and buddy's nose. Brutus.

I manage to grab a backpack before I notice Beetee, struggling to stay afloat using his belt. What could it be? Some kind of floating device. I jump in and grab his hand in mine, dragging him to the Cornucopia.

He looks slightly confused. "We're allies, okay?" I say.

He doesn't say anything, so I continue. "If you say we're not, I can kill you right now. And I promise I will. Just one less competitor." I shrug, and pick up the wire he was supposed to get. "So, are we allies?"

Beetee, of course, twitches. Oh, Nuts. Who I nicknamed 4 years ago. I turn around, looking for Wiress and Blight, and right when I think I see them, I hear the sound of an impact. Beetee just got knifed in the back. It's not fatal.

"Oh, great." I walk over and pull it out, which causes him to wince and cough up a bit of blood.

Blight runs up, followed by Wiress.

"You can swim?" I ask.

"No," Blight breathes. "Wiress and Beetee both found out these belts can be used to stay afloat. Wiress showed me how."

"Okay, fine. Now let's get the hell out of here!" I say, and sling my backpack over my shoulder. Wiress isn't fast, so I grab her hand and lead her on, heading in a random direction.

"Could you update us?" Blight asks.

"Enobaria hasn't given up on her life. This one-" I point to Beetee with my head "-let himself get knifed in the back." I let the annoyance in my voice show.

"He let himself?" Wiress asks.

"No, I did not, Johanna. I couldn't hear it coming towards me. By the time I did, it was much to close and was going at such a high speed, I couldn't manage to swerve out of the way."

"Fine," I say, as he _sort of _has a point.

As we're running farther from the Cornucopia, I'm moving everybody along when suddenly I hear Beetee scream, "Stop!"

We all turn. "What?" I ask.

"It's a force field..."Says Wiress.

"It's probably pretty powerful," Beetee continues his explanation. "I can see it because right there you see a ripple in it. If you run into it, it is very likely to cause severe injury or death."

"Okay, good to know. Thanks Beetee," I say with a bit of sarcasm.

We run along deeper into the _rain forest. _"Wiress, Beetee, can you climb trees?" I ask, as if everyone should be able to.

"No," They say at the same time. I put my hand on my hip and roll my eyes.

"Okay, then I'll climb it and you can follow me."

"How?" They ask, again in unison.

"How can you _not? _It isn't hard!"

They both manage to do it, and we lay there through the night. We're all very thirsty, and after watching the deaths of those I know, I'm not in any mood to be messed with by the others. And they know that fully well, so they went right to sleep. Or at least pretended to.

A flash of lightning makes my eyes fly open. I moan and flip over, throat feeling as if its on fire with thirst.

Rain begins to fall. _Great, _I think. _Just what I need!_

Suddenly I jump up, and yes! Rain is falling! "Wiress! Beetee! Blight! Wake up! There's rain! Rain!"

They're all up immediatly. We open our mouths and let the rain flow into it. I'm about to swallow it when suddenly I have the same reaction as those around me. I look at them and we exchange a glance with eyes wide open.

This is no rain. I spew it out. "Blood!" I cry. "Let's get out of here!" All four of us start smashing through branches randomly, tripping on creepers that crawl up our mind is still on that thick, hot blood, wondering where it came from.

It's so dark. "Wiress?" I call.

"Here!" She squeeks.

"Beetee?"

"Yes," He chokes out.

"Blight?"

No answer.

"Blight?" I suddenly stop and spin around, only to notice him running wildly towards the force field.

"Oh my god!" I tear through the forest at full speed. "Blight!" I screech, even though I doubt he'll hear me through the blood thats flowing down on my skin. "Stop! Blight! Stop!" Branches slice open cuts all up my arms and logs threaten to re-sprain my ankle, but I hurl over all of them managably.

He's so, so close to the force field. My arms are flying around insanly at my speed. "BLIGHT, STOP!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

I'm just crashing through the clearing when he stumbles forward, hits the force field full-force and bounces back, covered all over in blood. I don't know if it's from the rain or the force field, but it looks like its from the force field. I push my bloody hair out of my face and pounce towards him.

"Blight, come on! Don't go!" I fumble around to pull up his sleeve and press my fingers against his wrist, ready to repeat what happened to my family. "Blight, your not dead yet!" I cry. I can barely hear a pulse, and instead of acting in a humane manner, I shake him widly, hoping he'll just wake up.

_His cannon fires._

My breathes are short, I'm scarred right now. But I don't dare cry. That's not really what I do.

One more. One more person I let die. I'll add that to my list of dozens and dozens of people, starting in the arena, then my family, and the people around town who commit suicide. Amarack was a really popular person.

I lay in a bloody mess for a couple seconds before hearing some high-pitched call from a bird, a _mockingjay, _and knowing the hovercraft must be coming.

"Goodbye," I whisper, and run off to find Wiress and Beetee again, not daring to even look back.


	16. Chapter 16 : Finding Finnick

Wiress is obviously in shock and is twirling around. "Come on!" I say. Beetee is working a little bit better, but not much. For a guy who's so smart, he must not know _one _thing: How to function his body!

"Light!" I scream. I pull Wiress along and Beetee stumbles right after me. "The beach!" I almost feel like smalling, despite how long it took all of to get here. And I did this for Katniss Everdeen, that little snotty chick from Twelve.

We reach the beach and I scratch at the dry blood on my face. I stamp my foot into the sand and push Wiress on the ground so she doesn't do anything stupid.

Suddenly, I realize I'm not alone. There are a couple of figures on the other side of the beach. Two I don't really recognize, but the third is...

Who is that? I know that I know who it is...

It's Finnick!

"Johanna!" Finnick calls, and starts running towards us!

"Finnick!" I shout just as he rushes up.

He looks me up and down and then back at Wiress and Beetee. "What happened?"

I take a deep breathe and start talking quickly: "We were over there-" I point to where we were- "in the rain forest, and something started coming down from the sky." Katniss and Peeta walk up. "We thought it was rain, you know, because of the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it. That's when Blight hit the force field."

Finnick looks at me with a look of sympathy. "I'm sorry, Johanna," He says.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't much, but he was from home." I glance around. "And he left me with these two." I push Beetee with my shoe, partly to see if he's alive. "He got a knife in the back at the Cornucopia. And her-"

I look over at Wiress. "Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

Ugh. She's been going on like this for hours.

"Yeah, we know. Tick, tock. Nuts is in shock," I say. Wiress starts to come towards me and just bumps into me.

With the past couple of days I've had, I'm angry to the point of being infuriated. I push her back on the sand, again, so she doesn't do anything stupid. "Just stay down, will ya?"

Katniss looks at me, and with her little attitude, she says: "Lay off her."

I narrow my eyes at her. Who does this chick think she is, going around telling people like me to _lay off people? _She obviously doesn't get I could beat the shit out of her if it came to it. This girl, so conceited.

"Lay off her?" I draw out my words, hissing as if I'm a snake.

I step forward and go with my first impulse. Instead of saying something sweet I reach up and slap her.

Looks like it hurt. Good. Serves her right.

"Who do you think got them out of that bleeding jungle for you? You-" I'm about to say some really horrible things when Finnick hoists me over his shoulder and literally carries me into the water and continues to dunk me as I scream.

"Bitch!"

"Prissy little-" _dunked._

"Why don't you go and-" _Splash. _"Try and go in there, cover yourself in blood!"

"Go ahead and-"

By now she's walked away and her and Peeta are cleaning Nuts and Volts.

"Ah, your nice and clean now," Finnick says.

"Good. And how could you not find me day one? Come on, you said you would!"

"I was busy!" He smiles, and so do I.

"_Busy," _I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. "Doing what? Dying?"

"Do I look dead, Miss. Mason?" Finnick smirks and we climb out.

We return to some camp I'll bet Finnick made and I immediatly start gulping down as much water as humanly possibly. Finally, I have to slow down and I start to eat some shellfish instead. Goodness, I was so hungry and thirsty.

"So uh-" I ask between gulps to Finnick. "Wat happened to your skin?"

"Oh, uh..." He gulps and his voice wavers a bit. Somehow, I know this has something to do with what happened to Mags, who I saw in the sky the other night. "Well there was some fog, and it stung and it made all of our limbs splay out in some bizarre way. We were just like you three, all we were trying to do was get out.

"We couldn't fight it, we had to run. And it became hard for us to carry Peeta and..." He stops short.

I glance around awkwardly. "And then we finally managed to get out of it," Finnick continues. "We came along the beach and Peeta decided to go get some water after we'd used saltwater to get the posion out. It hurt badly, but it got better. That's when the monkeys came. And they only attacked when Peeta glanced up, thats all."

He pauses and takes a gulp of water. "So Katniss shot and Peeta knifed and I used my trident and we tried to beat them down. But then I was killing a different monkey and Katniss ran out of arrows and there was no way he could've prevented getting killed, and I didn't even know. Katniss started running widly towards him, but she got there first and died for him. The District 6 girl."

I purse my lips and take a bite of a shellfish. At some point during the story Mags must've died, but he probably didn't want to mention it.

Everyone of us offers to guard, but after much debate it's me and Katniss. Katniss says its because she's had a lot of rest, but I refuse to rest.

We both sit in silence until long after everybody's asleep. Suddenly, a thought hits me. I turn around to a fast asleep Finnick and then turn to Katniss.

"How'd you lose Mags?"

"In the fog," She says. "Finnick had Peeta. I had Mags for a while. Then I couldn't lift her. Finnick said he couldn't take them both. She kissed him and walked right into the poison."

So I guess she just let Mags die because she couldn't lift her. How much could she weigh? 70 pounds? Maybe a little more, but not much.

"She was Finnick's mentor, you know," I say, almost accusingly.

"No, I didn't."

I soften up a bit. She must've had no idea. "She was half his family."

We stay silent for a few moments, watching the waves wash up over the undergarments. I ruffle up my hair and shake my head a bit, trying to wake myself up. I haven't got much sleep since the beginning of the Games.

"So what were you doing with Nuts and Volts?" Katniss asks, completely oblivious to the fact I already told her.

"I told you - I got them for you. Haymitch said if were to be allies I had to bring them to you. That's what you told him, right?" I ask, knowing she probably didn't, since this was my job.

She nods her head. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

_"You better." _Is what what I want to say, but instead I just say:

"I hope so."

I look at her. I really don't like her.

"Tick, tock," I hear. We turn around and Wiress is crawling over to us, her eyes set on the on the forest.

_Just great. _

"Oh, goody, she's back. Okay, I'm going to sleep. You and Nuts can guard together."

I walk over and toss myself down next to Finnick, the only person I really like around here.

I fall asleep, but not for long.


	17. Chapter 17 : The Capture

**I HATE the arena scenes, so I decided to skip to when they get captured. Hope thats okay. Oh, and yes, I know I'm a poo but I've been celebrating all these days with diff. people. My birthday was on the 8th and I had some big tests in school right before that. Anyway this is when Katniss and Johanna are rolling the wire down to the beach for the lightning tree! And pretty soon will be Johanna's POV of MOCKINGJAY! So if you haven't read it, go read it ASAP! There will be an awesome new story, I'll update like every day, and it'll be way better than this, I PROMISE! **

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

* * *

As Katniss and I are running down to the beach with the wire Beetee instructed us to use, I glance over at her. She's fast, but she's not as fast as me. . . Just looking at her almost makes me sick. That cocky little brat, who used Peeta as her ragdoll, pretending she loved him in the arena. I wonder if she knows she's a horrible actress...

"Better hurry," I insist. "I want to put a lot of distance between me and that water before the lightning hits."

Suddenly, the string splits and tangles around my fingers. We stop dead and look up. Someone has cut the line, and I'll bet a million dollars it was Brutus and Enobaria! Unfortunatly, Brutus still has not gotten over the nose-breaking incident that I believe was last year. Or the year before...hmm...

Suddenly, I snap back into reality and look down at my body. Then I glance up at Katniss, who is frozen.

Tangled. That's what we are. The lightning. The tree. The wire! We're tangled in the wire. We'll get shocked like a high-voltage wire. I fiercly untangle myself. Enobario. And Brutus. No doubt.

It's time. I smash the cylinder into Katniss's head. She trips to the ground and I hurl my body onto her, jamming my knife into her arm, digging for the tracker.

No wonder they made _me_ do this. I'm the only one who could Nobody else was 'willing' to slice through a person's skin. I'm doing this to help her and all she's doing is fidgeting. Ugh.

"Stay down!" I hiss and roll my eye. Footsteps that must belong Brutus and Enobaria are coming nearer and nearer. I finish the job and jump up, gripping the tracker covered in sickly-red, warm blood. I am only thinking about my own safety. I have to leave her. She looks dead anyway. I dart away. More feet, not Brutus or Enobaria. I know they don't run that fast.

"Johanna! Katniss!"

"Finnick! Finnick!" I wail. I crash through the trees, heading towards the voice. "Finnick!" I see him out of the corner of my eye. "I'm over here, Finnick!"

"There you are, what is going on?" He looks around and rushes up to me. "I saw the blood, but she wasn't there."

"What? She wasn't there?" I ask, and my eyes dart around. Where could she have gone?

"I'm going to look," Finnick exclaims.

"Finnick, you have to think about yourself!" He shakes his head.

I look at him with my wide brown eyes and my voice softens. "What about Annie? What if you die looking for Katniss and you'll never see her again? Or worse, she'll never see you again."

He looks at me with those crazily amazing eyes and blinks in hurt. "We're allies. It's not every person for themselves."

I'm about to say something, but I just close my mouth and nod, practically swallowing my pride. "You're right," I say, and glance over at a noise.

Enobaria runs around the corner just as a cannon sounds. The arena is in chaos. Screams, cannons, dried blood painted on the trees.

Finnick and Enobaria take off. Boom! another cannon as they leave.

Perspiration streams down my face. I take off to find the others and just as I'm about to run through the clearing, an arrow, obviously belong to Katniss Everdeen, hits the force field and the arena explodes into a million pieces.

Stray slices of the force field are going flying through the air and several smash into my body, forcing me to the cold, blood-stained ground. I tear out the ones on my left arm and throw them to the ground, attempting to get up. The problem is that I slammed into the ground so hard I could practically hear my skull rattle and I think I'm in some kind of semi-concussion stage. It hurts. I wipe the sweat on my blood-stained clothing and try to use my hands to push myself up off of the ground. I need to do this! I need to push myself to the limit! It's for survival. Survival is what I do best.

The hovercraft from the Captiol, the one that picked me up from my last Hunger Games, flys down. I scramble away, or at least try. It grabs me and pulls me up as I fiercely try and escape. It's no use. I'm practically glued to the claws. Peeta comes next. He looks extremely frazzled and quite scared. Enobaria is pulled up as well. She's got a wound in her forehead and is currently unconscious. We're captured!

"It's not my fault!" I wail. "I didn't do it!" I gasp, trying to get rid of the throbbing of my head.

A male, a Capitol looking one at that, comes into my blurry vision. He's get tanned skin and dyed blue hair with sparkles added. I guess it's some kind of 'effect' they offer when dying it. Well, that's the way of life for the freaks of the Capitol.

He slowly approaches me. Cautiously, he holds down my arms with his firm grasp and straps my wrists and then my ankles to a solid white table. This is when I cross into hysterias. I scream as if I'm being murdered, which, for all I know, I could be!

"Help!" I screech, knowing fully-well nobody is coming to help. I glance around at an unconscious Enobaria being lifted onto a table and strapped down. Peeta, who is flailing around while a couple people try and hold him down and insert a needle near the top of his arm. "Stop!" He's screaming, and I'll bet he knows they aren't going to either. . .

I return to my own problems and try to shake myself free from these metal grips that are the difference between this Capitol person's life and death. If I could just get my hands on that poison I know is somewhere around here. I could insert it into the needle and shove it through his arm, watching him slowly die on the ground.

Oh, how I wish I could be free! Freedom, sweet, sweet freedom. Isn't that what I've been fighting for my entire life? Exactly. Freedom from the Capitol, for what they did to me, for what they did to other people, but most of all: For what they did to my family. They can throw me into an arena as many times as they want, but lay a _finger _on my family and I _will _take you down.

I start screaming, as its the only thing I really can do, and when the Capitol-man leans over me, I bite his arm, creating a huge gash. He pulls away quickly and rushes out of my sight, bringing back another person in a white coat with her hands in her pocket.

She peers over at me, wiping her straight blonde hair out of her pale skin. Then she tightens her ponytail.

"Hartan!" She calls to someone. A man, who looks in his 30's, comes in.

"What is it, Mariana?" He looks down at me and his eyebrows raise ever-so-slightly.

_Mariana _nods in my direction. "The third one on the left inside the blue cabinent. 4 inches."

"Yes, ma'am." He rushes out of the room and Mariana stays, watching me like a hawk. Eventually the first guy reappears with a large bandage. Mariana glances down at the bandage and up at him with an odd expression.

"What exactly happened, Jof?" She asks _Jof. _

He points at me accusingly, as if we're seven and he's tattling on me. "She bit me!" He exclaims. Mariana doesn't seem suprised and just nods as Hartan, the other doctor who went to get something, returns to the room.

There's something-I don't know what- in his pocket.

"Now, ma'am?" He asks. Mariana nods. "Me? Are you sure I should?"

She nods once again.

"Well, if you insist." He cautiously takes a step towards me, and I glance at him with eyes that say a million words, most of which aren't really appropriate. Or nice.

He reaches in his pocket and comes out with a bottle of something. Then he takes out a needle. Slowly, quite shakily, he pours some of the substance into the needle fill area. I glare at him, saying: _"Don't you even think about it." _

Slowly, he recaps the top portion of the needle after filling it with a substance and lightly, extremely cautiously wipes my arm with an anti-bacterial wipe to clean my arm before inserting the needle. Then Hartan positions the needle.

Right before he's about to insert it into my skin, I hiss by his ear: "I _will _find you!"

The last thing I see is his eyes widen, then he pushes the tip into my skin and I black out.


	18. Chapter 18 : Snow's List

**Probably shouldn't read if you haven't read Mockingjay. It doesn't give away pretty much anything in this chapter, buuuuuut it will in future chapters.**

**PS- I love Breaking Benjamin! The Diary Of Jane! Woot! Rock. Sorry. That was random.**

**Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

When I wake up, I'm not in District 13. Or even 7, for that matter. I don't know where I am, but it's somewhere in the Capitol. That I can guarantee you. This place looks just like a jail cell. With cold metal bars and concrete floors. To my right is a concrete wall and to my left is more metal bars, another cell, with Peeta passed out on the floor.

There isn't much in my cell: A wooden bed and a toilet in the corner behind an open door. That's odd, the're usually out lingering in the open where everyone can see you. I guess I'll consider this a good thing. I study the floor for a while with a quesy feeling. They're going to do bad, bad things to me because they know I know their secrets.

And I do. When the idiotic Capitol men, drunk and still stupid, lean over and whisper it to me in a garbled voice. I know how Snow works out his problems. Poison, of course. And I know about how he plays it. And I know about his list of people. And I know about how he drinks the poison himself. I know.

A man in a white suit shoves something through the bars into my hand. "Swallow it."

"Not unless you tell me what it is."

He reaches for a gun in his pocket. "It'll knock you out. Swallow it!"

I reach up and put in my mouth, pretending to swallow it. It works.

"Good. You'll be out in a minute." He chuckles, releases his grip on the gun, and walks to some office in to the left. I watch as he leaves carefully and spit out the pill, swiping it to the corner of the cell.

I inch over to the corner, unable to see anything. But I can hear it all crystal clear.

"The list? What are you talking about, Snow?"

_Snow? List? List. List! Death list. The people he's planning on killing._

Snow clears his throat. "The list of people I'm going to kill, Arnold. Here's One To Ten."

I hear a piece of paper unfold and Snow begins in a superior voice:

"10. Haymitch Abernathy. He's in on something with those kids from 12, I tell you, Arnold. And I don't know what. There's no way to find out. He's got to die.

9. Peeta Mellark's Prep Team and stylist, Portia. They're going to be executed, got it? Work it out. She makes him look like a little Capitol-loving boy! But he's a rebel.

8. Plutarch Heavansbee. Traitor! To the Capitol! Pretending to be a Gamemaker then going and breaking some of the Victors out of the arena. He's - no words, Arnold. Are you getting this, Jeramia?"

"Yes, President Snow, sir," Says a man's voice, who must be Jeramia.

"Okay. Let's continue.

7. Darius Garald. District 12 Peacekeeper, new avox. He doesn't do his job, and quite frankly, he's got some cute little connection with Katniss. Dead. Immediatly.

6. Lavinia Shaye. Traitor, avox. Somehow she has some connection with Katniss. I don't know what it is, but it means she needs to be dead. Now.

5. Finnick Odair. I don't know what he's up to. But it's something, Arnold, Jermaia, it's something.

4. Annie Cresta. She doesn't have to die. But I need her captured. To break Finnick. Pronto.

3. Johanna Mason."

I cover my mouth with my hands. I saw this coming, but number 3? I'm that close on his death list? How? What did I ever do, besides promise him I'd kill him and be a total rebellious 'citizen' of the Districts, ruled by that stupid Capitol. . .

President Snow continues. "She's just a rebel, Arnold & Jeramia. I don't know what she's doing to overthrow the Capitol, but I know it's something. And it's working. She needs to be dead. She's in her cell, yes?"

"Yes, sir."

"Kill her. But not before you get enough information about what rebels are doing. Once we get enough out of her, she's gone. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. I'll continue now.

2. Peeta Mellark. This one is pretty much unexplanatory. Agreeing to take those berries, trying to esape to District 13, making a fool out of the Capitol and the Games declaring his love and unborn child in interviews! How dare he? Not everyone fell for his little act, though, I'll tell you that much. And we're going to get information out of him and then we're going to kill him. That's the plan, and it doesn't need tweaking. Are we clear?"

"Oh, yes, Mr. President, of course."

"And number one?" Arnold asks politely.

I hear the sound of crumbling paper and in a bitter, cold, angry voice Snow says:

"Katniss Everdeen."

Then I peak around the corner though the bars and see as Snow drops the paper on the ground and taps away without another word.

Jeramia and Arnold come out of the room, flicking off the light, and start walking this way. I silently drop to the ground and shut my eyes. I can hear they stop in front of my cell.

"Johanna Mason, Arnold? That's her?"

"Yeah. The Capitol used to like her. Till she became a little bitch trying to take us over. Stupid, too." He chuckles. "She actually thought- she thought she could win, her against the Capitol!" Arnold starts laughing hysterically.

"How could she be dumb if she won the Games?" Jeramia asks.

"Oh, Jeramia. She won because she's nothing more than a ruthless murderer! She won because she gave in and played by the Capitol's rules! And nobody wins if they don't play it our way!"

"Then how did Katniss win, Arnold? Everyone says that she didn't play by our rules. She made her own, starting from the very beginning of the Games and lasting all the way until, they say, 'She pulled out those berries'. It just doesn't make sense."

The anger in his voice is clear:

"I don't know, Jeramia! And that's why we need to kill her! She's strong, a fighter! _She needs to be dead! _That's what we put her back in the Games for. And somehow she's stil alive! And so is Finnick and Peeta and Johanna! And I just don't know how, Jeramia! Let's go."

By the _ow_s Jeramia is making, Arnold must be shoving or pulling him along. I cautiously open my eyes, and yes, they're gone. I sit up and lean up against the bars separating me and Peeta.

He's still not awake. "Peeta!" I hiss. "Peeta, wake up, its important!"

He slowly shakes a bit then sits up and looks at me.

"We're getting out of here," I whisper.

"What, out of this jail?" He asks stupidly.

"No," I say sarcastically and roll my eyes. "Yes, you idiot! Now, got any good plans?"

"Plans? What? Why?" He asks.

"Okay 1. Because we're in a jail cell in the Capitol. 2. Because you are number 2 on Snow's kill list and I'm number 3. I'm not supposed to know when and how he's going to kill us, but I do, and its in the near future! So we best be getting out of here."

"Okay, well, you have to give me some time to think, Johanna. But first just tell me what's going on."

"Peeta, we don't _have _time to think, don't you understand that? We're going to be dead soon!" I exclaim, and I grip my hands into fists. I'm not going to let myself die, but I can't let him either. He's important for the rebellion.

"Please, Johanna," Peeta begs. "Just tell me what's going on!"

"We've been captured by the Capitol. We're in some jail place. I heard Snow's list of people to kill. Haymitch. Your prep team. Um, Plutarch. Some guy named Darius. Lavinia, an avox. Finnick. Annie. Me. You. Then Katniss is number one! She's in District 13 along with Finnick and Beetee."

"What? Oh no," He says, stuttering. "What if she-"

I cut him off. "What if she? We're the ones lying in the palms of the Capitol! You can't think of Katniss right now, Peeta. We have to think of ourselves, okay? I don't care if you think its selfish! It's the only thing we can do right now!"

He nods. "You're right."

"Duh, brainless. And trust me, they're going to torture us. So get ready. Be strong."

He nods again. "Oh, and one last thing..." I say.

"What?" He asks, confused.

"Don't die."


	19. Chapter 19 : Torture

**Here's Chapter 19! Enjoy! The next chapter will be up in 1-3 days! I'll finish until the end of Mockingjay (will be around 30-40 chapters when completed; most likely around the low 30's.) **

**Hope you like, it's mostly a filler. I promise I'll get her back to D13 ASAP. **

**Love you guys, **

**JellyBean**

* * *

Submerged in water, seering pain rushing through me. I can't do anything, not even breathe. All I have are my thoughts. The things I heard while sitting in the graveyard, when I heard one person whisper, _"In the midst of life we are in death." _

It's come back to haunt me. That quote. The electrical shocks burn my skin and I scream in pain. This is how they chose to torture me. I wouldn't give up any rebel information or spit out secrets I knew about president Snow, so they attached me to shocks and shoved me underwater in a bucket, turning them on. The pain is incredibly horrible.

They second I'm yanked out of the water by my shoulders, I spew a mouthful of it onto the concrete. The man in the white stares at me with his evil eyes, grasping my with clenched fingers. "So, you going to tell us anything you know yet, Miss. Mason?"

I gasp, and in a low hiss I say:

"Never."

I'd rather die for all those people them have them die because of me! I agreed to Haymitch's plan, and these fucking morons don't get that I'm not going to give up that information!

"Very well." His grip loosens. "We'll get it out of you one way or another. It's been a week, and I know you're falling under the pressure. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. Oh, wait, you can't!" He laughs sarcastically and strides away, locking up my cell.

But the horror isn't over. In the next cell over, I can actually see Peeta being tortured. It's terrible, and he's screaming. I look away and hear a voice: "TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!"

Peeta chokes out:

"I don't know _anything! _I swear! I swear..."

I lean against the wall farthest from the bars opening my cell. I don't know what he's got planned, but it's sure not going to be anything fun. As I choke up more water from my lungs, I wish I was at home. _Home. _It's already known that nobody in 7 wants me back, so why do I want to be there so bad? Where nobody cares about me. Or likes me...

I don't know.

Suddenly, I remember something Finnick told me in the arena only 2 weeks ago. He had been talking about Katniss and what happened the first day. He told me what he told her. _"Nobody in this arena is a Victor by chance." _

No. Because we're all murders. We all somehow found it in ourselves to kill. For some, like me, it came easily. For others, like Seeder, it was hard and they really had to force themselves to kill.

Everything in my body screams: _Ignore your head and follow your heart!_

My head screams: _Just give them the information! It'll save your life! Isn't that all you ever cared about? _

But my heart says: _Don't do it, Johanna. Remeber what you've been doing for the longest time? You've been risking your life for freedom. Not only yours, but everyone's who has suffered in the Hunger Games. Don't do it. For Haymitch. For Finnick. For Peeta and Katniss, who started this shibang. For the thousands who've died in the Hunger Games. And for yourself. The rebellion needs you, dead or alive. _

**Ignore your head and follow your heart. **

Yes. I am going to ignore my head. I'm going to follow my heart from here on out, and I don't care what they do to me, they won't kill me unless I let them. Not on my watch.

The man in the white returns with a case and a chair with ankle and wrist straps. After about 20 minutes and 3 guards, I'm finally wrestled into the chair and strapped down.

"Alright, Johanna. I told you we're going to get the information out of you somehow." He pulls out a . . . head shaver? and begins to work on my hair.

"So where should we start, Miss. Mason?" He asks, teasingly pulling on my short, spiky hair.

He starts at the back and I watch as my hair falls to the ground in big clumps, which means he's obviously doing a terrible job, running the shaver along my head in short, jagged motions. Sometimes he'll dig it into my head on purpose and it hurts, but I barely wince and act like nothings happened.

When it's all gone, he pushes my head down so I see all the hair on the ground and then puts a mirror in front of my face so I can see my reflection.

I don't see Johanna Mason anymore. I see a sleep-deprived rabid animal with sharp claws and teeth, with large, brown eyes full of hatred, because I've got nothing left to care about but the rebellion.

The mirror is pulled away and the man in white walks in a circle around me, as I'm still strapped in my chair.

"So!" He bellows with a mouthful of superiority, then lowers his voice to a snake-like hiss. "Are you ready to give us that rebel information?"

I watch as he pulls out a notebook and recorder, flipping through the pages and pressing the RECORD button.

"Did you help Haymitch plan the arena breakout?"

I grip my hands in fists. _Ignore your head and follow your heart. _

"I'm not telling you a fucking thing, bastard!" I say, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists so tight they turn white.

"Not even to the recorder, Miss. Mason?" He waves it in my face. I pull my fist up so hard in rage it breaks through the leather holding my wrist down and grab the recorder out of his hand.

"What the-"

I throw it against the wall so hard it breaks into pieces and falls to the ground in seconds.

The man in white scowls. "You little-!"

"I'm not twelve anymore, asshole. You best remember I'm a fuckin' murderer!" My fury throws me into more screams. "I'm not dead yet, and I should be! You know, I've looked death in the face more than once and I'm still here! So don't mess with me or I'll beat your damned ass down!"

I begin to pull out my ankles and my other wrist when the man in white rushes out of my cell it locks it, placing an extra on from his pocket just in case.

And because of my anger, as he's walking away quickly, I scream: "You can't kill me!"


	20. Chapter 20 : District 13

Enjoy!

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I struggle to pull my fists out of these unbreakable handcuffs. Stupid guards, cuffing my wrists and ankles to the wall. Argh! My bloody, bruised body flops onto the ground before trying to get out of the chains again.

"Let's go have lunch," I hear one guard say.

"Okay."

And they leave. It's just me, Peeta, and Annie, who they picked up from District 4. She's huddled in the corner of her cell, whisper something starting with F that I'll bet is Finnick.

I stop pulling at the chains and drop my hands to the ground, throwing my head back in anger. I need to get out of here!

Suddenly, there's a small rattle coming from above and I see a couple figures coming down. It looks like... District 13 uniforms! Could it be? Suddenly, they toss on masks and one pulls out a huge can the size of a fire extuinguisher. He pulls something and an odd green gas starts filling into the room rapidly.

I'm just wondering if they're here to save me when the gas floats into my cell and I'm immediatly knocked out.

**[District 13]**

When I wake up, I'm lying in a hospital bed, covered in sheets with all kinds of wires and tubes attached to my damaged body. A doctor comes in as soon as he sees I'm awake.

"Hello, Johanna! Welcome. Do you have any questions?"

"Where am I?" I ask hoarsly.

"Why, District 13!"

"What's happened to me?"

"Oh, I'll go through your list of things that have happened to you. You have..." He flips some pages of a notebook. "Oh, dear. You have 3 bruised ribs, one is broken. Both hip bones are bruised. Slight concusion. Your muscles are weak, you don't have enough fiber, protein, or carbohydrates. You have a bit of brain damage that needs medication, and you're lucky no surgical procedere. You've definately been electrocuted. . . I think that's it."

"Yeah, that's it." I roll my eyes.

Someone shoves through some nurses yelling that the person can't come in my room. "Johanna! Johanna!"

My head shoots up at the voice. I stand up, pulling the chords from their spot on my arms and reach out to him. "Finnick!" He comes forth.

"Johanna, you little bitch! I thought you were dead!"

I smile foolishly and say, "Remember a couple years ago, when I told you the Capitol could never kill me, yeah? I meant it."

"I know," He answers, smiling.

"Did you see Annie?"

Finnick smiles happily. "I did, in fact. Johanna, she was as beautiful as ever. I forgot how much I love the way her hair always smells like the ocean, no matter where she is. And I never even realized how much I really needed her. Do you know what I mean?"

I shake my head dissapointingly. "No, Mr. Odair, I do not."

He laughs and glances at his watch. "I have to go."

"Wait!" I exclaim. "Is Katniss here?"

"Yeah, duh." He chuckles.

"The rebellion? Is she making the Capitol's life hell?" I ask.

He smirks. "Why, yes, she is."

She is. She's making the Capitol freak out. How does a single girl do that? I've decided I'll help her out a little. She ain't too bad, after all.

I smile deviously. "Good."

[_Way _later; After Katniss gets shot in District 2]

I plug in my morphling when my head doctor comes rushing in. "No, Johanna!"

"What?" I sputter out.

"You can't have any more morphling." He pulls it out. "We're trying to cut back on your sluppy." He hesitates. "We don't want you- to, um, end up like those from District 6."

And with that, he rushes out of the room with my precious morphling. It gets rid of the pain. Arg!

I hear a rustle on the other side of the curtain. Katniss. She got shot, but it didn't even do anything to her besides her spleen and ribs.

I get up and pull a white curtain back, staring right at her. "I'm alive," She says.

I roll my eyes. "No kidding, brainless." Then I walk over and sit down on her bed. She winces. I smile. What a wimp. "Still a little sore?" I unplug her morphling and put it in my own arm.

She shouldn't care, because I have been tortured.

"They started cutting back on my supply. Afraid I'm going to turn into one of those freaks from Six. I have to borrow from you. Didn't think you'd mind."

I sigh. "Maybe they were onto something in Six. Drug yourself out and paint flowers on your body. Not such a bad life. Seems happier than the rest of us, anyway."

Since she doesn't say anything, I continue. "They've got this head doctor who comes around every day. Supposed to be helping me recover. Like some guy who's spent his life in this rabbit warren's going to fix me up. Complete it. At least twenty times a session he reminds me that I'm totally safe."

She smiles weakly. Her body must be pretty ruined. "How about you, Mockingjay? You feel totally safe?"

"Oh, yeah," She says sarcastically. "Right up until I got shot."

"Please," I say. "That bullet never even touched you. Cinna saw to that." He added some kind of armor to protect her from harm. I guess he's actually a pretty good guy.

"Broken ribs?" She asks.

"Not even. Bruised pretty good. The impact ruptured your spleen. They couldn't repair it." I wave my hand dismissivly, as if this doesn't even matter. "Don't worry, you don't need one. And if you did, they'd find you one wouldn't they? It's everyone's job to keep you alive." The bitterness shows in my voice.

How come they don't care if I'm alive? It's all about _Katniss, Katniss, Katniss._

"Is that why you hate me?" She asks.

"Partly. Jelously is certainly involved." I think for a minute. "I also think you're a little hard to swallow. With your tack romantic drama and your defender-of-the-helpless act. Only it isn't an act, which makes you more unbearable. Please feel free to take this personally."

I mean, all in all, she's not a bad person. But I just don't understand! They've ruined her life, and all she wants to do is help other people instead of herself? It's like she's a hero. I can still be a hero. I saved her life in the arena and nobody's ever thanked me for that.

"You should've been the Mockingjay," She says. "No one would've had to feed you lines."

. "True. But no one likes me."

"They trusted you, though. To get me out. And they're afraid of you."

I consider this. It is true. They did trust _me _to get that tracker out of her arm and out of the arena. And in that, I got myself captured since I had no time to run my ass off. But that's not her point. Her point is that they _trusted _me above all others in the arena. They trusted me to make it that far. They trusted me to dig till I found the stupid thing. They trusted me to get it out.

"Here, maybe," I say. "In the Capitol, you're the one they're scared of now."

Gale, Katniss's buddy, lover, whatever, appears in the doorway. I unhook the morphling and stick it back in Katniss and get up to go.

"Your cousin's not afraid of me," I say, laughing a little. I push him with my hip. "Are you, gorgeous?" And as I'm walking down the hallway, I laugh out loud.


	21. Chapter 21 : The Block

**Sorry it's kind of long. But I wanted to fit all these things in with a lot of emotion. It's also kind of weird the way I did it. Sorry about that. . . **

**Nevertheless, as I always say, enjoy! This chapter is dedicated to my big brother, whose birthday is today. (: **

***Jellybean5898**

**Update: I totally forgot! This is the last chapter in the story (: . . . But don't worry. There's a new story to finish up Mockingjay (there's not much left to put since she can't go to the Capitol and there's no word of her in the rest of the book, I think) and then a NEW plot that involves Annie. You know, I had this idea of Johanna helping Annie with her mourning of Finnick and Annie helping her with her fear of water. . . It might sound stupid when I say it but I personally like it. So that's that. Keep an eye out, the first opening chapter will be out in just a few days. I'll post a link on here as an update and it'll be on my profile.**

**Here are the things I promise for the next story:**

***Updates every day (Unless I do something stupid, like break my charger *again* , hehe)**

***Longer Chapters**

***More Johanna thoughts (Personally, I feel that I've been falling apart on her personal thoughts. I keep forgetting, haha. But they'll be more).**

**Love you guys!**

* * *

I slip in an out of conciousness. I take Katniss's morphling when the coast is clear. I steal morphling from the cabinents where the doctor keeps the extra supply for Katniss. He thinks she's taking it, and he doesn't mind. Every day, life gets worse and worse.

One day at lunch, we're all sitting together: Me, Katniss, Gale, Delly, a girl from the merchant's part of 12, along with Finnick and Annie. It's like a Victor's circle, minus Gale. Finnick's got us all laughing with a story about a turtle taking his hat and swimming of with it when suddenly we all realize _he's _there...

Peeta. Whose been turned into a mutt by the Capitol people. I remember what they did to him. Showed him videos of all these amazing times he had with Katniss then injected something into him. Soon enough, he was trying to attack her through the screen. When I got back here, District 13 that is, I hear _hijacking _being tossed around to describe his condition.

Katniss chokes on her bread. As if going through stupid training for Capitol fighting wasn't enough! That's what they've been making me do. I should be able to go, anyway. I'm a Victor. Don't they understand I know how to kill people with my hands? Or better yet, my axe? Damn, I miss my axe...

He's standing behind the empty seat next to me. His hands shake uncomfortably in his shackles as he holds his tray and two large guards are standing behind him.

Delly is the first to break the silence. "Peeta! It's so nice to see you out..." She hesitates. "And about!" Nice save, Delly. Nice save.

I shouldn't mess with him, but with two guards, why does he need shackles? Couldn't they stop his hands from doing anything?

"What's with the the fancy bracelets?" I ask.

"I'm not quite trustworthy yet," Peeta answers. "I can't even sit here without your permission."

"Oh, sure he can sit here," I say. "We're old friends." I pat the space next to me, the guards nod, and Peeta sits. I'm not afraid of him. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams."

Annie, whose sitting next to me, covers her ears and squeezes her eyes shut. Finnick puts his arm around her and gives me a nasty look.

"What? my head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy."

And it's true. Practically every session we have, which I don't like to talk about, involves me being safe here and not holding in my thoughts and emotions.

Finnick murmers to Annie. I continue to eat my stew while Delly tries to brighten the mood, which has sulked ever since crazy-ass Peeta got here. "Annie!" She says. "Did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing."

I remember Finnick and Annie's wedding cake. It was blue with boats and actually quite nice. I had a slice of it, and Peeta's got the taste right on.

"Thank you, Peeta," Annie says. "It was beautiful.

"My pleasure, Annie," Peeta answers, and there's another bit of silence.

Finally, Finnick says to Annie, "If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go." He picks up both their trays and grasps her hand. "Good seeing you, Peeta."

I wave to Finnick and he smiles and just as they're about to go, Peeta says, "You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try to take her away from you."

How can that be? Annie'd never leave Finnick. And that couldn't have been I joke. He sounded so serious and cruel.

"Oh, Peeta," Finnick says in a light carefree tone. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart." He leaves.

Long after they're gone, Delly starts chatting again. "He did save your life, Peeta. More than once."

"For her" Peeta says, nodding towards Katniss sitting next to Gale on the other side of the table. "For the rebellion. Not for me. I don't owe him anything."

Katniss must be angry. She says the first thing since Peeta got here: "Maybe not. But Mags is dead and you're still here. That should count for something."

Actually, you know, she's got a point there. Mags is dead. Finnick, against all he wanted, saved Peeta instead of Mags, pretty much his only family and former mentor. It _should _count for something, and she knows it.

"Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don't seem to, Katniss. I've got some memories I can't make sense of, and I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance." He then gestures at Gale and Katniss with his spoon slopped with gravy. "So, are you two officially a couple now or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?"

"Still dragging," I say simply, then take a bite out of my bread as Peeta clenches his hands into fists and they shake all around in his shackles, making odd noises.

This isn't Peeta. This isn't that sweet guy in the Hunger Games nobody would've thought would ever make it out of alive. This isn't that guy that took care of Katniss when she got a knife in the head at the feast last year. It's not him. It's a mutt and we all know it.

It's as if Gale's read my mind, as he looks at Peeta and says: "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself."

"What's that?" Peeta asks defensively.

"You."

"You'll have to be a little more specific," Peeta says angrily. "What about me?"

I'll take care of this myself now, as this idiot obviously doesn't get anything. "That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself."

Gale finishes his milk and he and Katniss leave.

Delly looks over at Peeta, her temper quite obviously lost. And when she yells, she sounds like a mouse. "Peeta, she's not the mutt, you are! You're the mutt! You're blaming Katniss for things she didn't do and you're being rude to her about things she can't control! It's the Capitol's fault, Peeta! Not hers!"

The whole place had gone quiet, but then they resume conversation as Delly stops talking.

"Yeah," I agree. "She saved your life in the arena, Peeta. With the blood poisoning, she went to the feast and got you that medicine. And with the fight with Cato from 2 at the end, she shot him down when he was choking you and grabbed your hand as you fell. If she wasn't there, you'd of either choked to death or eaten by mutts. But you're still here, and it's because of her and Finnick."

Peeta starts arguing with himself. "_You shouldn't have saved her! But she's the one you thought you loved! Who cares? You did care."_

Delly and I exchange a look and the guards lead Peeta back to his cell. I turn quickly then slurp down the rest of Peeta's stew. I haven't had much to eat and have been hungry lately.

"Well," I say. "We better get going. Looks like the place is clearing out."

"Yeah," She answers, and we clear our trays. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah."I head back to the compartment I now share with Katniss since they wouldn't let me live alone.

I open the door and flop my achy self down on Katniss's bed. "You missed the best part," I say. "Delly lost her temper at Peeta over how he treated you. She got very squeaky. It was like someone stabbing a mouse with a fork repeatedly."

"What'd Peeta do?" She asks, looking up from her Military Tactics book.

"He started arguing with himself like he was two people. The guards had to take him away. On the good side, no one seemed to notice I finished his stew." I rub my hand on my stomach in satisfaction then get out some of my own military books, thinking about going to the Capitol and shooting down President Snow myself, like I promised. Although they might give Katniss the job now, since she 'deserves' it more.

But she doesn't. He killed my family;&deserves to die at my hands.

I flip through the pages of my book and Katniss goes to to visit her family after we quiz each other for just a bit.

I close the Military Tactics book and then get ready for bed by brushing my teeth. When I come out of the bathroom, Katniss is back. I flick off the lights and we climb into the bed. I can tell neither of us even close our eyes, just stare into the darkness, when suddenly, she asks:

"Johanna, could you really hear him screaming?"

Memories of my time in the Capitol come back. "That was part of it," I say. "Like the jabberyjays in the arena." The jabberjays that held the screams of your loved ones- "Only it was real. And it didn't stop after an hour. Tick, tock."

"Tick, tock," She whispers back.

**O**ver the next few days, Katniss and I work hard on our training. We run, rain, snow, or sun. Work on putting our weapons together. Target practice. They've even designed something deep in 13 that's supposed to look like a block on the Capitol. We all call it 'the block' and have to use our weapons to get through it with our eight team members. Everything can and will go wrong. That's how its designed. It makes us prepared. They gas us, and Katniss and I are the only ones who can manage to get our masks on in time.

At one point, Plutarch comes down with a camera crew. "We're here to get some footage of you shooting," He says.

"Why?" I ask, standing up and straightening my back from shooting down on one knee.

"Because we want to show the Capitol that you're back. You're healthy and willing to fight for your freedom from the Capitol."

I consider this for a moment. It's true that they'd planned on me becoming a frightened young woman falling under the Capitol's powers. And no, that hasn't happened. I agree and let them get some footage of me shooting the bullseye of the target.

A few days before the first of all the troops are going to head off to the Capitol, York, our trainer, tells Katniss and me that she wants us to take the exam and we have to report right away. She tells us there's four parts: An obstacle course meant to test your physical condition, written exam, a test of how good we can use our weapons, and finally a situation on the Block. I'm thinking this will be easy and try not to think of it.

But then we find out that something's going on in the Block ; some kind of tech situation they're trying to work out. We all gather in a group and tell eachother all we know about it. Things like _you go in alone _and _there's no predicting what situation you'll be in _are tossed back and forth quietly.

One boy, who glances around quickly, leans in and says, under his breath, "I've heard it's designed to target each of our weaknesses."

Water... Water...Water. Those are the first 3 things that come to my mind. The next 3 are: _Capitol . . . Torture . . . Electrical Shocks . . ._

And they know it! They know my weakness is water! They know I was tortured by being soaked then . . . the electric shocks.

I'm called 3 ahead of Katniss, who gives me a nod that seems to be encouraging. I go in, only nervous about the water and the torture and I break out into a sweat almost immediatly. But I manage to sweep through the physical assemsment, ace the written exam after all those nights of studying, put my gun together in less than 30 seconds and get the target bullseye.

Finally, it's time for the Block. I'm a bit more confident then I was at the start. Everything's been going well...

On the Block, I blow out a bunch of Peacekeepers and unhook my mask in the nick of time when I'm gassed. I'm forced to run around a corner and jump over logs. Logs? Logs. That's how I sprained my ankle in my Games! I remember now. . . I was running. Away from who, though? Kirel, I think. From One or Two. And I turned to see where he was and saw the log at the last second. That's when I tried to hurl over it but I fell onto the ground ankle first and tore the ligament attaching my foot and ankle completely.

Just as I'm reloading my gun, a rumbling on the street begins. I turn towards it straight ahead. And it's not an earthquake, because I see the first glimpse of water pooling into the road. It gets higher and higher. First emotion: Fear.

Second Emotion: Panic.

Torture. . . Water . . . Electric Shocks. . . Torture . . .

First thing I do: Shake. I shake like mad as the water starts getting higher.

Second thing I do: Scream. _I'm drowning. I'm drowning. How can I be drowning? They've kept me underwater for at least a minute now, and my lungs are giving way. I'm dying! Help! I'm dying! Nobody comes to save me, though. I'm drowning here. After another 30 seconds and just a few seconds of breathe left, I'm yanked above the water and attached to the shocks._

Third thing I do: Call out for help. I start breathing rapidly and drop my gun into the water thats whipping around my waist. "Where am I?" I don't know where I am. I feel like I'm in the Capitol but know I'm in 13. Or am I? Is my brain playing tricks on me? "Help! I'm drowning!" I start running like mad away from my target towards dry land. "Help!" I wail, tripping and paddling towards the glass.

Someone slams the button to flood the Block off and drains it immediatly. But I'm still in panic mode. Why'd they do this to me? Who are these people..?

Torture. Water. Craziness. Panic. A door opens. Where's it coming from? Someone's coming to kill me. I'm sure of it now. They've come to shoot me or stab me or drown me in water! Panic. Torture. Water.

Needles. I'm jabbed in the arm with one by someone and black out almost immediatly. The last thing I hear is the splatter of the water as I fall into it.

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**Crappy ending. Keep your eyes open for the new story! :D :D :D I can't wait to get started on it but I have to write the first chapter or 2 before I post it! It's going to be a longer story, and also the final edition of the Johanna series. ): But, alas, we all must move on.**


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